Sorry, Clown Club! AHS Introduces Yet Another Creepy Clown: Our Rants and Raves

Find out what we love (and hate) about Wednesday TV

By Lauren Piester Oct 23, 2014 3:25 AMTags
Wes Bentley, American Horror Story, Freak ShowMichele K. Short/FX

A lot of dreams came true tonight, you guys. Actually it was just one dream, and it involved a black cat, a fake gynecologist, and the realization that Sabrina the Teenage Witch ended 11 years ago, and thus we are quite old. But first, American Horror Story clearly hates us and has no respect for the fact that we didn't really want that first clown, since now they've gone and added another. Plus, Arrow went on a trip! One of those shows featured people pouring boiling water on their hands, and it's (probably) not the one you're thinking. Read on for all of our rants and raves!

RANT: AHS: Freak Show: Uh, did we ask for another clown? No, we did not, so're gonna need Dandy to stop that creepy cosplay immediately, thank you very much. We also didn't need Edward Mordrake as even more fodder for our ever-worsening nightmares. However, his talk with Ethel revealed a devastating backstory in which even the birth of her son was put on display, and now we just want to give the bearded lady a great big hug. (Also: Hello, Emma Roberts! Now what are you up to?)

RAVE: AHS: Freak Show: Jessica Lange singing Lana Del Rey? We don't know what is even happening but we are definitely not complaining. We have a lot of other things to complain about, but not this. 

ABC Family/Eric McCandless

RAVE: Melissa and Joey: We didn't know how much we wanted a Sabrina the Teenage Witch reunion until we got one tonight, when Mel's gynecologist, played by Beth Broderick (also known as Aunt Zelda) showed up to tell Mel that she was once a teenage witch from the other realm. We totally thought it was all heading towards being a silly Halloween dream, but in the end, Mel chose love over magic and Aunt Zelda just erased Mel's memory as if it never happened. Was it silly? Yes. Did we love it anyway? Absolutely! If you'll excuse us, our pre-teen selves are going to go do some very important squealing.

RAVE: Arrow: So many great character moments!  Oliver's speech to Thea about why she needed to come home ("If we're not together, we're not really alive" or whatever) was beautiful, and it worked! Laurel is trying her hardest to take on Sara's (RIP!) legacy, and won't even let landing in the hospital get her down. Diggle is balancing work, his wife's work, and his new family, while Felicity is trying to balance her new job with her old job as the person who found all the things for everybody. (Loved Laurel asking Felicity to Google a guy's phone.)

RAVE: Arrow: If Oliver can build bows and arrows out of hotel lamps and curtain rods, we can certainly build a dinner out of bread and Halloween candy. (We need to go grocery shopping.)   

ABC/Mark Levine

RANT: Nashville: Really, Juliette, you decided to text Avery to tell him about the pregnancy? Isn't that more of a Facetime conversation? (Also why did you collapse on stage? Why did the episode have to end that way? Why is Derek Hough so hot? So many questions!)

RAVE: Modern Family: "I thought we were going to give a chicken the best day of its life?" "I hate that we keep rescheduling that…" Luke and Phil continue to be our new favorite duo, and the rest of this show continues to be largely irrelevant.

RAVE: The Goldbergs: Best imaginary soup kitchen name ever, thanks to Erica as she tried to get out of hanging out with her mom: "Helping Hands Feeding Needy Mens and a Lady Who is Also Hungry." 

What did you watch tonight? Rant and rave with us in the comments!

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