"You seem to have gone crazy since the last time I saw you," Jimmy Kimmel told Shia LaBeouf on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Monday. Talk about an understatement! "Yeah, I guess I have," LaBeouf said with a laugh.
Kimmel asked the Fury star to recount one of his craziest incidents to date, which took place in February. "You were arrested at the musical Cabaret, which, first of all, seems like a weird place for you to be. In the first place," the comic, 46, told the unpredictable actor, 28. "How does one get arrested at Cabaret?"
LaBeouf didn't leave out a single detail as he kept the audience in stitches. "So, I land in New York. I'm coming back from Ireland, visiting my girl...When you go to Rome, you have spaghetti. In Ireland, you drink whiskey. So, I had been drinking a lot of whiskey in Ireland. I come back, I land, and it's the World Cup. You drink of lot of Whiskey during the World Cup, it seems. It makes it all fun. So, I'm sitting there at a bar and I'm drinking a whole lot of whiskey and I'm watching this World Cup: South Korea versus...I forget the other team, Lithuania or something. I really care at this point. I mean, I'm drunk enough to really care. So, I'm all Lithuania, and I got outside and I have a cigarette and there's this homeless man out there...this homeless Marine. I start talking to him, we start getting into a conversation, and then a woman runs up and starts taking pictures of me with her cell phone and trips him out," he recalled.
"I'm three sheets to the wind and I can't really calm him down. He starts running down the road after 30 minutes of conversation. So, I start running after him. I'm trying to calm this homeless man down in the middle of Times Square. He don't want nothing to do with me, but I'm not giving up. I chase him for a while and I try to calm him down. 'Hey, it's me! We were just talking. Relax!' And he's gone, so I turn around and start walking back to the bar to pay my bill, and I see this dude who comes up," he continued. "And I don't know this guy, but he says, 'Hey, Shia! I'm a big fan!' I say, 'Thank you.' He says, 'Hey, what are you doing tonight?' I say, 'Well, I'm looking to turn it up a bit, you know? I'm trying to have a good night here. I just got in New York. I'm trying to have a good time. I'm really done with this Lithuania thing. What's going on?' And he says, 'Well, why don't you come to my show? I'm a dancer in this Cabaret show.' I was like, 'Cabret?! Yeah, Cabaret! Cabaret is exactly what I want to do. Cabaret!'"
"So, he gives me a ticket, I go up to the thing, and Cabaret is maybe a block away from my bar. So, I go pay my Lithuania bill, I get outside, I'm walking towards the thing and now the drunk is really starting to kick in. I'm really good and drunk at this point. I make it into the theater, so I get into the theater, and the set-up is an old club...In this show, they had tables and there were all these women in burlesque. I'm like, 'Oh, this really is a kind of party or something.' So, I'm walking to my seat and on my way to this seat I see that there's this bar over here. I'm like, 'Yeah, sure, I'll have another drink, because I need one.' So, I get another double whiskey and I sit at my seat and there's these two beautiful 50-year-old women. I say, 'Oh, yeah! Tonight's the night, ladies! What's it going to be? What do you want to drink?' They look at me like, 'Don't talk to me.' So, I take it as a sign that they want exactly what I'm drinking."
"I turn around and go back to the bar and I get two more double whiskeys. And while I'm at the bar, there's a fruit plate, and I'm like, 'Well, this is a really nice thing to just be offering fruit like this.' So, I start taking fruit off the fruit plate and I start feeding this other woman who looks about 50, 60, so now I'm feeding this woman strawberries and I forget I'm even in the show anymore. After that finishes, I walk back to my seat with these drinks and I put the drinks down and they don't want nothing to do with it. So I say, 'All right! Well, you don't want nothing to do with 'em, so I'll have 'em.' So, now I'm drinking these drinks and the show starts and out comes Alan Tudyk—er, Alan Cumming! It could have been Alan Iverson at this point. So, Alan Iverson's there and I'm into it, you know? I never knew Alan Iverson was into Broadway. He's smoking a cigarette, so I go, 'Oh, it's that kind of party. Perfect. I want to have a cigarette, too.' So, I'm packing my cigarettes, I pull the cigarette out, I'm having the cigarette, and these women want nothing to do with me. Nobody wants nothing to do with me, but I don't see them. I'm just seeing Alan Iverson in leather pants. Like, 'This is the craziest show I've ever seen.' And then he puts the cigarette out and her starts walking and it looks like he's winking at me. And I'm thinking, 'Oh, well this is great.' And at this point I see the ballet guy who gave me the ticket and I'm like, 'Hey! What's going on, pal?' And now everybody's looking at me and I'm feeling like, 'Whoa, this is kind of weird. I didn't know it was that kind of show.'"
"Alan Cumming walks past me and I forget all about that again, and all I'm thinking about is the leather pants and him winking at me. He walks past so I give him a slap on the ass, because I think he deserves it...He's the sexiest man I've ever seen. I don't just slap it slap it. I grabbed him—like, I grabbed a whole cheek because I wanted the party right here in my pants. I wanted the whole party. So, he finds a way to wiggle out of my Hercules grip and I'm a little disappointed about it, so I think it's time to have another cigarette. So, I start having a cigarette and a security guard comes up and says, 'Can you put the cigarette out?' 'No problem.' Anyway, we get to intermission and a person tells me, 'There's another party outside,'" he remembered. "I'm thinking, 'Oh! Well OK!' And I see six cops having their own party."
Unfortunately, it wasn't the kind of party LaBeouf had in mind.
"Anyway, they wind up taking me to the station. Oh, man! I get to the station and I quickly realize, 'I'm not supposed to be here. I'm not made for this set-up.' I get in there and this dude says, 'Whitey's here. Time for snitching.' And I thought, 'Oh, no.' So my possum is like, 'You gotta do something, man. You gotta do something or you're gonna die in here.' So, I turn into Tupac. Now I'm ripping my shirt off and I'm doing push-ups like, 'Don't mess with me, dawg. I'm crazy, you know what I'm saying?' The guy's like, 'What are you in here for?' I'm like, 'Cabaret, homie. Cabaret.' Anyway, so then they fingerprint me and do the whole business and I'm like, 'I gotta get out of this little cell with these six dudes.' I'm trippin'. So I figure, I'm gonna spit on this cop's shoe. That's my way out. So I spit on his shoe and I'm lookin' at him, and it was [my way out]. He put a mask on me, a Hannibal mask, and a LED jacket, and ushered me into my private little dwelling, where I sat for 25 hours. Then they gave me a McDonald's egg sandwich."
"What a night, man," Kimmel said.
"I'm gonna stay away from Broadway a little bit," the actor replied.
"Broadway's not the problem!" Kimmel said, laughing. "It's the whiskey, I think."
"You're probably right," LaBeouf said. "And I'm checking that, too—and Alan Iverson and leather pants."
After the commercial break, LaBeouf also explained how he had a tooth removed for his role in Fury. "That was a real mission, getting it out, because it's not like you can go to some dentist around here from this side. You go in there like, 'Hey, I wanna get this tooth taken out,' and they're like, 'You wanna do what? That doesn't make any medical sense at all, man,'" the actor said. "So, I found a guy in Reseda next to a Radio Shack, and he didn't ask too many questions. He's like, 'Which one? No problem.'"
To find out what it was like fighting his "hero" Brad Pitt, watch the clips now!