I heard Paris is getting a new TV show about pets or something. Is this true? Isn't she supposed to have had troubles with all her dogs?
—Barrie, Wilkes-Barre, Pa.
The B!tch Replies: And her cat, yes. But troubles may not be the best word. The Middle East has had troubles. Paris' pets have had experiences—if reports are true—that fall somewhere between Lord of the Flies and Guantanamo Bay.
First, the reports you mention. Bunches of tabloids are reporting that Paris Hilton has scored a deal with Britain's Living TV network to follow the heiress as she manages a pet grooming salon on Bond Street. However, when I contacted the network, they seemed as bewildered as a flock of underfed Chihuahuas.
"This one's not us, I'm afraid," a Living spokeswoman just told me via email. "It was misreported in yesterday's Daily Star Sunday that it was, and I'm afraid I'm not sure what channel it is."
Hilton's reps didn't return a request for comment, so if there is a show like this in the works—anywhere—the details remain a mystery.
Either way, it might not be the best idea. If there is a celebrity out there who has a rep for being a good pet mommy, it's not Paris:
- She was recently berated by a cat adoption agency, first for failing to neuter a new kitten, and then for deserting the animal at a vet's office. The adoption agency, the Kris Kelly Foundation, then re-rescued the kitten and issued a scathing statement to People magazine, calling Paris "a negligent pet owner."
- Paris once bragged to Ellen DeGeneres about having 17 dogs. Except that in Los Angeles, it's illegal for nonbreeders to have more than three. Paris also told Ellen that the dogs "keep having babies, and I feel bad about giving them away." Finally, she backtracked and said all her animals were neutered, except for "two of them."
- The DeGeneres revelation spurred L.A. Department of Animal Services to cite Paris for having all those dogs without a breeder's license.
- She hasn't been too successful in the exotic-pet realm, either. Remember that raccoonlike animal, the kinkajou, that Hilton had a couple of years ago? She reportedly brought the wild animal into California, which is illegal. Oh, and it bit her. It's unclear whether authorities forced her to give it up.
- Even Paris' neighbors have told the press that she doesn't do right by her pups. "She treats her animals horribly," Shelby Segall told Page Six last year. "She had a little orange kitty about a year ago that kept getting out, and we kept telling her it was outside. She didn't seem like she cared, and then one day the cat got run over in the middle of the street and died."
"I can't imagine this [TV show] happening," Kris Kelly, whose agency had to re-rescue the poor abandoned kitty Prada, told me today. "It would be a joke. She should stay away from animals. I don't know why she would do a show for animals."
Sounds like the only show that should be associating itself with Paris is Animal Precinct.
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