Revenge

ABC

So how are your DVR's doing after tonight? There were about a million things on – including the much-hyped season premieres of Revenge and Once Upon a Time – and we've got opinions on all of it. For the second time ever, we humbly present to you our comprehensive list of tonight's TV-related Rants and Raves.  

RAVE: Revenge: It's baaaack! We loved Victoria's journey tonight, from stylish mental patient (alongside The Simpsons' Yeardley Smith) to stylishly escaping mental patient to being stylishly chloroformed after discovering that her former lover David Clarke is still alive.

RANT: Revenge: Why does Charlotte Grayson/Clarke consistently have to date the least appealing people? We never thought we'd miss Declan so much.  

RAVE: Revenge: Jack is a cop! Sorry we really love Revenge.  

RANT: Once Upon a Time: Small children may have loved it, but that premiere mostly had us going "huh?" We were especially side-eyeing when the worst parts of Frozen – the ice monster and the trolls – showed up for reasons we can't even remember.  

RAVE: Once Upon a Time: Captain Hook + Netflix = Literally a dream. Emma you lucky duck! 

RAVE: The Good Wife: We could rave about everything all the time, but Cary and Alicia hugged and it definitely did not bring a tear to our eyes because it would be weird to cry about a hug, right?  

RAVE: Brooklyn Nine-Nine: We've missed you, silly cops, from your lisps to your mob dancing to your bounce houses (of which we are jealous). We're so glad you're back. 

Family Guy, The Simpsons

FOX

RAVE: Family Guy: Could that crossover have been any meta-er? For a show that's often full of itself, the self-deprecation was refreshing and pretty funny.

RANT: Witches of East End: When will people learn to make sure their lover is actually dead before offing themselves, Romeo-style? Way to go, Killian (also sometimes known as Edgar Allen Poe?).

RAVE: Masters of Sex: We were worried that the show was running out of ideas, since most major conflicts just boiled down to people being stuffy and mad about a sex study. Bill and Virginia as sex counselors for couples is an excellent new direction.  

RANT: The Simpsons: It may have been an emotional episode, but we were definitely expecting a more shocking (and interesting) death than Rabbi Krustofsky. Lame!

RANT: CSI: This show is still on? And with Mark Paul Gosselaar? We are shocked and amazed.

RANT: RHONJ: Amber's husband Jim is officially a horrible person who can feel free to leave at any time. Also why is Kevin Jonas building houses? What is happening? 

What did you guys watch tonight? Feel free to rant and rave with us in the comments!

PHOTOS: 2014 fall TV spoiler-rama

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