I Did Something Over the Weekend That I Swore I Would Never, Ever Do Again

It doesn't matter how prepared you are, moving is absolute torture

Every time I do it, I swear it's the last time. I promise myself I will never put myself through the gut-wrenching pain ever again. It's too much. 

And then a year goes by, and I do the exact same thing again! And still I loudly state to anyone who will listen that for real this time, I won't do it again. I really mean it.

But I did it this past weekend. I moved.

And it was the 10th circle of hell and I swear I am never, ever, ever moving again. I will stay in this apartment for the rest of my life.

Because when you move, you tell yourself these 12 lies, and when reality hits, it's the most painful and soul-crushing time in your life:

1. You think you are prepared for the move. 

You are not. Not even close.

2. You think you'll be able to "purge" a lot of your stuff before you move. 

You won't be able to. At least not as much as you should. The actual purge comes the day of the move and the two days after when you are so overwhelmed with the disaster that has become your new place full of your stuff that you just start throwing s--t out. Clothes. Shoes. DVDs. Roommates. Just get that crap out of my face!

3. You think that the two friends you have coming to help will be enough. 

It will not. Unless they are giants. Are you friends with giants?

4. You think that it should only be five, six trips max to get all your stuff loaded in the truck/SUV/car.

Multiple that by 5 and you'll be getting close.

5. You think that this trip lugging boxes of crap is the last trip. 

It's not. And you will cry a bit each time you go back into your old house and see more stuff to move. Is it multiplying?!

6. You think that the big, beautiful bed frame and headboard that the manufacturer delivered and assembled for you will be easy to take apart and move to your new place.

It won't be. I know this from personal experience from this past weekend.

7. You think that shoving stuff into garbage bags is the best strategy after a couple hours.

It's not. But you will not give a flying you-know-what anymore.

8. You think that you only have "like two or three really big things to move."

You don't. You'll suddenly remember the dresser, the desk, the TV stand and your dining room table also need to be moved.

9. You think you are strong enough to help carry that giant bookcase.

You are not. You will pull something. Probably a hamstring. And you will limp around the office the next day and you'll lie and call it a sports injury. Or a sex injury. Depends on what kind of office enviornment you work in.

10. You think that you "really don't have that much stuff."

You do. You have so much stuff…where did it all come from?!?! This is also a lie you tell people who are going to help you move.

11. You think that you'll be able to organize everything pretty quickly.

You won't be able to. If you are anything like me, you'll finally get everything where it's supposed to be in about two months. And then you'll start hanging stuff on the walls.

12. You will definitely never move again.

You will. I did. And I hated it. 

But seriously. I'm never moving again.