Sure, the world's biggest power couple, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, finally got married in secret and it was probably exactly what they wanted. That's great and all, but you guysss! Look at all the stuff you missed out on by not have the typical celeb wedding brouhaha!
1. A-list guests
Is it really a celeb wedding if there aren't any photos of movie stars showing up at the venue? Take Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's wedding. We speculated for weeks that Beyoncé and Jay Z were invited and going to attend. Sure, they didn't actually end up going, but the important thing is that we thought they were. Right? Brangelina missed out on blurry photos of George Clooney and Matt Damon trying to sneak into the wedding unnoticed.
2. An astronomical budget
No diamond encrusted chairs with each guests' family tree engraved on the back?! Most celebs usually pull out all the stops and drop millions and millions of dollars on what is essentially just a party. Brad and Angie had a civil ceremony, which costs like what, around 100 bucks? Where is the splurging, you two?!
3. Tabloid covers with blurry images of the top of their wedding tent
Tabloid magazines looove Brangelina, and had they knew the wedding was happening, pap helicopters would have been circling for days to get that "money shot." And that money shot is really just a grainy photo of the top of a white tent with people who might be wedding guests but are probably caterers. Yes, we have a photo of the estate they got married in, but it's not the same as the overhead photo that comes with most celeb weddings.
4. The obligatory honeymoon photos
After the wedding, the couple goes on a honeymoon to some tropical location and we have to see photo after photo of the gorgeous, rich newlyweds frolicking in the sea. Ugh. Or sometimes celeb websites get the first shot of the couple on the honeymoon exclusively, meaning the stars who just got married sent it to them with a message like: "enjoying our honeymoon! We're so in love and happy! So blessed! YAY!"
But Brad and Angie just enjoyed a quiet week with their kids. No beach lounging for them.
5. The great dress debate
Sure, we're debating who designed her dress now, but with big celeb weddings every outlet usually has at least four different designers they are so sure will be designing the dress. And then someone has a hypothetical sketch of this dress based on what the star has worn before on the red carpet. "Angelina loves black! I bet she wore a black wedding dress! And she loves menswear! I bet she wore a black dress with pants underneath it! Someone sketch that!"
6. The prepared and gushing publicist statement
All the rep for Brad and Angie did was confirm that yes, they did get married. But we didn't get the usual statement that was obviously predetermined to use on the media begging for confirmation. You know the one:
"We are happy to confirm that [insert celeb number one here] and [insert celeb number two here] wed in a small ceremony in Northern California over the weekend. They were surrounded by close friends and family. [Celeb one] and [Celeb two] are absolutely overjoyed and excited to start their life together."
Something like that.
7. Super-impressive wedding detail
Kim and Kanye had Lana Del Rey and Andrea Bocelli performing at their wedding weekend. Impressive, right? But because their ceremony was so low-key, Brad and Angie probably didn't have some superstar attending their wedding, and thus, they have nothing to brag about. But on the other hand, no one is more famous than those two so we guess trying to find someone more impressive to be at their wedding is a futile task.
See what y'all missed out on?! Your loss, Brangelina.
No, in all seriousness, we are so excited that these heavyweight celebs got to have the private, intimate wedding they so deserved after years and years of constantly being watched and photographed. We wish them a continued life of being insanely attractive, filthy rich and having adorable children.
Congrats, you two!