If the Golden Globes are handed out, but no one is there to collect them, did it ever really happen?
We're still trying to figure that out. What we do know is that on Sunday night, in lieu of a glitzy, boozy affair, we got a bizarrely sedate half-hour 65th Annual Golden Globes news conference.
No stars were on hand to collect their prizes in an evening where the wealth was spread around.
Atonement was named Best Motion Picture, Drama, one of two wins for the film, set in World War II-era London and France, while Sweeney Todd also scored two trophies—Best Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy, and Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy, and Johnny Depp's killer performance. (Get the full list of winners.)
Joel and Ethan Coen's No Country for Old Men notched two wins, as well, including Best Screenplay honors for the fraternal filmmakers and a Best Supporting Actor trophy for Javier Bardem, who was also a loquacious winner at the Critics' Choice Awards last week.
"It is a great honor to have been recognized with this award in a time when there are so many outstanding performances in this category," Bardem said, graciously offering up an acceptance speech in the form of a statement Sunday night.
"I would like to thank the Coens for their trust and for allowing me to be part of their creative process in this incredible project. I want to share this award with Josh Brolin, Tommy Lee Jones and Kelly McDonald and thank Scott Rudin, Miramax and Paramount Vantage."
Brooklyn-born artist Julian Schnabel beat out, among others, the Coen brothers and Tim Burton to capture the Best Director prize for the French-language The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, the winner for Best Foreign-Language Film.
Brits Daniel Day-Lewis and Julie Christie further cemented their status as Oscar frontrunners, winning for Best Actor and Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama, for their respective roles as a power-mad oilman in There Will Be Blood and an Alzheimer's patient in Away from Her. This was Christie's first Globe nomination since 1976, when she was up for acting in Shampoo.
But it's Cate Blanchett's win for Best Supporting Actress for one of the seven takes on Bob Dylan in I'm Not There that really summed up the theme of the evening.
Considering no one was there and all.
This should have been a night for raucous celebration, made even more so by the Globes' usual wine-with-dinner approach at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, but there was very little to applaud, thanks to, as The Insider's Lara Spencer put it, the elephant in the room.
The Hollywood writers' strike is now entering its 11th week, and the Writers Guild of America adamantly refused to throw the Globes a bone and allow union scribes to pen material for the telecast. The Screen Actors Guild, in turn, threw its support behind the writers, after which the HFPA scrapped the ceremony once it was known that none of the 72 acting nominees would be willing to cross a WGA picket line.
So, instead of the likes of Julia Roberts, George Clooney, Tom Hanks, Sally Field, Steve Carell, Amy Adams and America Ferrera, awards were passed out by members of the entertainment journalism community, including Spencer, E! News' Giuliana Rancic, Entertainment Tonight's Mary Hart and Inside Edition's Jim Moret, all doing their best to liven up the decidedly subdued affair.
"I just want you all to know, all of us presenting the awards tonight are not major movie stars, in case you didn't notice," Spencer said, trying to lighten the moment as she announced a handful of the evening's winners, including Pearl Jam frontman Eddie Vedder, whose "Guaranteed" from Into the Wild was named Best Original Song, and Glenn Close, who was rightly named Best Actress in a Drama Series for her scene-chewing turn as litigator Patty Hewes in FX's Damages.
Meanwhile, as befitting a celebration that was really no laughing matter, music beat out comedy by a mile in the theoretically more lighthearted film categories.
Burton may have been snubbed, but Sweeney Todd beat out indie darling Juno and the hit song-and-dancer Hairspray for Best Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy, honors, and Depp's performance as the Demon Barber of Fleet Street won him his first Golden Globe in eight tries.
"I would like to thank my beloved friends at the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for bestowing such an honor on me. It is a humbling experience, especially in the company of such talent," Depp said in a statement. "For many years the HFPA has supported my work and for that I have always been truly grateful.
"While this is indeed a happy day for me, I am overjoyed at the recognition the film as a whole is receiving."
Marion Cotillard's embodiment of French torch singer Edith Piaf in the often downbeat La Vie en Rose earned her the trophy for Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy.
Despite the lack of fanfare, at least the Globes could still be counted on to recognize some of the edgier work being done on TV these days, the selection of a period epic for Best Film notwithstanding.
Basic cable network AMC joined the ranks of FX and TNT as Mad Men, about the cutthroat world of the Madison Avenue advertising business circa 1960, was named Best Series, Drama, and star Jon Hamm was named Best Actor for his work as the ever-slick Don Draper.
The recently departed Extras won for Best Comedy Series, meaning Ricky Gervais has now produced and starred in two sitcoms that both won this top honor and signed off after two beloved seasons—The Office, of course, being the other one.
The joke was also on Tina Fey, who has said repeatedly that she considers herself a writer rather than an actress yet still earned the title Best Actress in a Comedy Series for 30 Rock, the NBC sitcom's sole win.
Four-time nominee Jeremy Piven finally picked up (not literally, of course) his first win for Best Supporting Actor in a Series, Miniseries or TV Movie for his still great work as über-agent Ari Gold in Entourage, helping to make HBO the most honored network of the night with six wins.
The HBO movie Longford was actually the biggest winner of the night with three awards, including Best Miniseries or TV Movie.
The telepic's kudos also included Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Miniseries or TV Movie for new mom Samantha Morton and Best Actor in a Miniseries or TV Movie for Jim Broadbent, who played the titular English politician.
Yet another first-time winner was Queen Latifah, named Best Actress in a Miniseries or TV Movie for her role as an HIV-positive activist in HBO's Life Support.
"I am so thrilled," she said in a thank-you statement. "I wish I could be with you tonight to celebrate." (So do we, Queen Latifah, so do we.)
"Life Support is such an important film which addresses such important issues, and I'm so proud to be recognized for my work in it. I only hope the film helps in our fight against AIDS and HIV."
Though HBO continued to dominate the premium cable scene, Californication star David Duchovny took one for the Showtime team, winning Best Actor in a Comedy Series for his turn as an oversexed writer who's having trouble putting pen to paper—and not because there's a strike.
While the WGA opted not to picket the Globes after the HFPA quashed NBC's planned exclusive coverage and opened it up to all news outlets, a small group of nonwriting entertainment-industry workers were gathered outside the venue earlier in the day, expressing their increasing disgruntlement with the strike.
"Rest assured that next year the Golden Globes will be back bigger and better than ever," HFPA president Jorge Camara promised in wrapping up the admittedly lackluster news conference.
Mary Hart had the write, er, right idea.
"Yes, I yearn for the days of Jack Nicholson mooning the Golden Globes, Christine Lahti getting locked in the bathroom. But we have that for next year," the ET anchor said.
- Get the complete list of winners of the 65th Annual Golden Globe Awards.