For most of us, we grow out of playing with Barbies before we hit puberty. (And for the percent of you who are still playing with Barbies well into your 30s, that's a conversation to have with your professional at another time). We stopped playing with her because Barbie has it all and is constantly perfect, and we can't relate to that as we grow up. Because adolescent and adulthood can be absolute torture at times, and we don't need a beautiful blonde plastic doll making us feel bad about ourselves.
But if there were Barbie dolls that adults could relate to, what would they look like? We think they would look a little something like this:
1. Student Loan Barbie
-Sad expression because the idea of paying off her student debt over the next 30 years makes her die a little every day!
-A diploma that she got for roughly $120,000 because she didn't want to go to a state school!
-Cell phone to be thrown across the room for every Studen Loan debt collecter call!
-And they don't just call you, they send bills every month! Stack them up on your bedside table!
-Diet of fast food because that's all she can afford right now!
2. Better Than You Barbie
-She probably exists just to make you feel bad!
-Perfect hair, perfect clothes and a perfect body!
-Keys to a brand-new car and a beautiful home!
-And she shares that home with her perfect boyfriend! (Sold separately)
-She has loads of money and she can afford tickets to that amazing trip to Fiji you can only dream about!
3. Fandom Barbie
-She comes with both a laptop and an iPad to live-tweet all new episodes of her favorite show and cruise Tumblr for new GIFs!
-Snacks for her binge-watching marathons!
-Tickets to every fan convention to see her favorite cast live!
-T-shirt that only other fans will understand!
4. Party Girl Barbie
-She may have graduated college but the party isn't over for her!
-She comes with beads from all the raves and wristbands from all the bars and clubs she hits up every night!
-Tight dress and high heels that she'll constantly fall out of while she stumbles home!
-Flavored vodka for shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots! Plus, a flask to start the party early on the cab ride to the bar!
-Cell phone to make those sobbing, drunken phone calls to her exes!
5. Single and Lovin' It Barbie
-She is perfectly happy to be alone right now! She's dating Netflix, anyway!
-Who needs a relationship when she has two adorable cats to keep her company!
-Her clothes are covered in cat hair, but she doesn't care!
-A bottle of red wine is all she needs!
-She comes with an empty social calendar for the weekend, and that is fine by her! She can do whatever she wants and sleep in!
6. Real World Barbie
-College is over! Time for a real job that comes complete with business casual work attire!
-Her cube at her boring entry-level job is covered with photos from her happier, care-free college days! Sometimes it makes her cry!
-She has bills piling up faster than she ever expected! But now she has a grown-up checkbook and checking account to send all her money to these people!