We're over the cronut, right? We've realized by now it's just half a croissant and half a donut and it will not fix the economy or bring about world peace. It is not the second coming of Jesus (or who/whatever you believe in) baked into a flaky dessert. WE'RE OVER IT.
Especially since chef Dominique Ansel, the man behind the cronut, unveiled his new creation this morning. (For effect, open a new browser tab and turn on Jay Z and Swizz Beatz's "On to the Next One.")
Ansel made his announcement on Good Morning America, accompanied by much pomp and circumstance. Which is a little...calm down. We've been doing this hybrid food thing for a year now. We get it. Just tell us what it is.
What it is, is this: Peanut Butter Pretzel Lobster Tails!
Which sounds disgusting! Until you learn that there's actually no lobster involved, it's really just a pretzel stuffed with peanut butter and served with whipped brown butter and honey. It's only shaped like a lobster tail to pay homage to an Italian dessert called a Lobster Tail.
It also looks kind of like a penis with three testicles. (We know that's immature. But it's also true. C'mon.)
"It's a pretzel through and through, with bits stuffed with buttercrunch brittle and housemade peanut butter. The 'tail' is sprinkled with Maldon salt," Grub Street explains. "The design is such that you're supposed to pull the pretzel apart in segments."
If you need a beverage to wash your Peanut Butter Pretzel Lobster Tails down, try this Kim Cheez-It cocktail (made with Kimchi and actual Cheez-Its). Because at this point, why not?