Mason Poole/Invision for Parkwood Entertainment/AP ImagesThe day has come. You've paid an arm and a leg for the far-fetched possibility of touching a hair on Beyoncé's head and/or getting a nod of approval from Jay Z. You've spent hours finding the perfect outfit and even longer mentally preparing yourself for what is about to ensue.
This is the emotional journey that we all go through attending the "On The Run" tour. Because Queen B makes us all equally basic by her sheer presence alone.
Before The Concert:
1. Self-Consciousness
You've picked out your outfit, which took a ridiculous amount of careful planning in and of itself. But in the back of your mind, you already know it's futile. No matter how many gold chains you wear or how perfectly lined your red lipstick is, you will never look like Beyoncé. At the very least, you're hoping for some cool pictures from the night to Instagram, which means you're really wishing you did a little more cardio this week.
2. Anxiety
It feels like the concert is never going to happen. The night is finally upon you and every Beyoncé or Jay Z song makes you actually scream with excitement, but the two hours before the show feels like twenty as you impatiently bide your time until Bey hits the stage.
3. The Turn Up
Because it's J+B! You're feeling extra bold and reckless tonight and the euphoria is starting to kick in. Ahhhhhhh.
During The Performance:
4. Astonishment
Queen Bey is swagged out and Jay Z isn't so bad himself (actually, he's looking pretty handsome, we have to admit) and you're wondering how it is humanly possible to be this cool. The costumes, the attitude, the dancing. You document everything via Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Oh, and did we mention Snapchat? Don't be surprised if your Story tops 200 seconds. Your followers shouldn't be surprised either. They're aware of your obsession.
5. Boldness
Every single time Jay Z comes on stage or when Beyoncé plays one of her more bad bitch-esque anthems, you suddenly are convinced you were born a hardened gangster. You know every word to "99 Problems" and you want everyone around you to recognize. You're not afraid to twerk, throw up the ROC hand signs or take front-facing Snapchat videos with flash. Bold move, pal.
6. Sadness
Eventually, the euphoria is interrupted just long enough for you to remember that Jay and B may not be living in bliss. They start performing "Halo" as pictures of Blue Ivy flash onscreen and you legitimately start to cry. Then they perform "Forever Young" together and the entire audience lights up the arena with their cell phones and you cry all over again. Hopefully no one sees you, but it's doubtful.
After The Show:
7. Extreme Anger
Because the a-holes at the merch stand refuse to sell you a concert tee because they're "closed," even though they opened the cash register for the woman right in front of you. SO LIVID. Or maybe they're sold out of programs. How do you sell out of programs?! They should have an endless stock of these!
8. Exhaustion
The THREE HOUR LONG show ends and you're mentally and physically drained. The walk to the car feels like a trek across the desert. You're pretty convinced your feet are about to fall off and your quads are already sore from dancing. The moment your body slides across the cool leather seat of your car, you're passed out, dreaming of being back in the presence of Bey.
9. Self-Reflectiveness
You lie in bed, reminiscing and remembering how #blessed you are to have been in the presence of one of the greatest rappers of all time and Mrs. Carter herself. Plus, their net worth?! Out of this world. You stare at the ceiling, wondering if you and your future significant other will ever live to be an eighth of the people J+B are. Answer: you won't, but you still rack your brain for ideas to come as close as possible.
Overall, the show takes a significant mental and physical toll on your body and mind and you're left exhausted, blissed out, and green with jealous rage. This has been the most emotional concert of your life. Never forget.
All we need is this life of sin is the On The Run Tour.