Allison Williams has been cast as Peter Pan in NBC's upcoming Peter Pan Live!, a sort of sequel production to last year's The Sound of Music Live! Williams' Girls co-star Lena Dunham could not be happier:
Yup. Allison Williams is MOTHERFUCKING PETER PAN!!!? Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) July 30, 2014
Allison is about to undertake one of the greatest drag roles in history and we are so proud we could burst. She will slay.? Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) July 30, 2014
NBC rocking it- they clarified their policies about airing the Obvious Child trailer quickly. They cast our main bitch as Peter P. <3 NBC? Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) July 30, 2014
Williams was born to play the role:
Caption: "Thrilled to be playing Peter Pan live on NBC in December. I've been rehearsing for a REALLY long time."
But what if it were her Girls character, Marnie, who were cast instead? We investigate (translation: basically write fan fiction).
Marnie would audition with some jazzy rendition of "Forever Young." Obviously, it would be the Jay Z version, and obviously, it would be kind of embarrassing for everyone involved.
But the producers of the show hear something they like. When she finds out that she got the role, Marnie instantly updates her Facebook status to say how #blessed she is and watches to see if Charlie likes it.
Shoshanna would think that it's so kewl that Marnie's going to be on TV, even though she heard that Miley Cyrus got the role. Also: Shosh never knew that Peter Pan was done on stage, she thought it was just a Disney movie.
Marnie would refuse to cut her hair for the role.
And Hannah would argue that cutting all your hair off is so freeing and playing Peter Pan as a woman is a big deal for feminism and Marie shouldn't conform to heteronormative standards of beauty. Also, that they'd look really cute with matching haircuts.
At the instance of her mother, Marnie would go on a juice cleanse before the show (because the camera adds 10 pounds). It makes her very, very cranky. No one actually likes a juice cleanse.
Marnie goes on her first ever late-night talk show to promote Peter Pan Live! She’s super-nervous and ends up telling an embarrassing story about her best friend. Everyone thinks she’s so charming and funny...
...except Hannah. Who knows the story is about her and confronts Marnie about it.
Hannah still shows up to the live taping, because she's NOT the wound. Marnie would get off to a rough start (naturally), but would spot her friends in the crowd and regain her confidence. Her rendition of "I Won't Grow Up" includes a rap and she KILLS IT.
Elijah would crash the show during one of the Lost Boys numbers and get escorted out by NBC security. Later, TMZ would write a story with footage of him getting dragged offstage and Elijah would be proud.
Even though Jessa would say she didn't, she would watch from home and play a drinking game. She would drink every time Marnie's wig almost falls off and get drunk.
Adam would tell Hannah the show is bulls--t, but later would tell Marnie she did great.
And Ray would be strangely turned on seeing Marnie as Peter Pan and not know why.
In the green room after the show, Shoshanna would bond with Christopher Walken, who plays Captain Hook. Apparently they have more in common than we'd think.
At the after-party, Marnie would make out with whoever is cast as John Darling.
Don't worry, he's 18. She checked.
Afterward, Hannah and Marnie would apologize and make up. Until Hannah writes a review of the show on her new blog and calls Marnie's performance "understated," which Marnie takes as an insult and they start fighting again. Obviously.
Peter Pan Live! airs on NBC on Dec. 4. This version of Girls airs on HBO never.
(E! and NBC are both part of the NBCUniversal family.)