We here at E! Online are truly sorry for the story you are about to read and the accompanying images you are about to see with your eyeballs. We wish we didn't have to subject you to this, but alas, this situation is not something we could easily ignore. But we do understand that the mental and emotional scars that you will be left with after seeing these photos will be a heavy burden you must deal with for the rest of your life. And for that, we do apologize.
So without further ado, we present the story of a single guy they call ARuFa, who turned his shower head into a girlfriend.
These are the materials he used on the shower to girlfriend conversion project:
They were possibly purchased using the "potential serial killer" discount.
Here he is assembling his future paramour:
The negligee he chose is actually quite tasteful, which is shocking, considering.
Balloon boobs, natch.
Still more authentic-looking than 50 percent of the ladies on certain reality shows.
After painting her face, adding eyes and a blonde wig and then fashioning truly terrifying arm-like extremities...
...this is the finished product:
Make no mistake, this shower girlfriend will definitely be killing you in your sleep tonight. There is no escaping that. We're all going to have deal with the murders she will commit once the devil brings her to life to do his evil bidding.
But this dude doesn't care about his impending death at the hands of Shower Girl.
He's just happy to have someone to shower with.
Oh, we're sorry. Did we not mention she still functions as a shower? How rude of us, let us show you how she works:
That doesn't look quite right.
There we go.
Well, it's still not right, morally speaking. But at least she's now spouting instead of just leaking. And we all know that's what men really look for in a shower woman. Advice to all you Shower Girls: always put "spouts water" instead of "leaks water" in your dating profile.
Good luck, Mr. and Mrs. Shower Head. May your life be full of laughter, lather and deep, intense, prolonged psychotherapy.
And ramen, too.