There. We did it. We used a lame Harry Potter pun right up top and we aren't even sorry, because our mouths just exploded in a form of ecstasy formerly unknown to man. Or should we say...muggles.
Muggles, of course, are non-wizardly types and for one day only, Universal Orlando let our very non-special selves to sneak into the brand new Diagon Alley attraction which opens to the public July 8.
We should tell you all about the new rides (Hogwarts Express!) and the impeccably designed, 40-acre wonderland that is Diagon Alley, and we will (full guide coming soon!), but right now all we want to do is talk about the Harry Potter ice cream that we are pretty sure can cure cancer and bring about world peace.
It can't. But it is WEIRD AND DELICIOUS. And we will never look at ice cream the same way again!
*Kristin Dos Santos' wardrobe by Helena Quinn
Tune into Live From the Red Carpet: Diagon Alley at 8 p.m. tonight on E!, with host Kristin Dos Santos!
Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Shop is tucked around the corner of the new Diagon Alley—right next to the Butterbeer Bar where you can order a Fishy Green Ale with "blueberry fizzy fish eggs" that is the weirdest chemistry test you'll ever put in your mouth and love, and across the steet from the spot where you can learn to use a magic wand to make it rain. (No big whoop.)
The ice-cream shop itself is adorable, with cheery little ice-cream scoopers wearing cheery little elf-like hats, and even though there are only 11 flavors, you've probably never heard of at least 8 of them before and they will bring on a roller coaster of emotions. Seriously. Our heads exploded.
Here, we rank all the Harry Potter ice cream flavors from worst (boring!) to best (life-changing!):
11. Chocolate. Seriously? NO. Florean Fortescue's is all about strange and wonderous experimentation! YOLO, Potterheads!
10. Vanilla. Don't even think about it.
9. Chocolate Raspberry: Yummy. But still too familiar.
8. Butterbeer: Now we're talking! The quintessential Harry Potter flavor (referenced often in the books and movies) that tastes like neither butter nor beer but rather a delightfully creamy butterscotch concoction. With perfectly perfect swirls on top. Not quite as weird as we had hoped (we wanted actual butter and beer flavors, 'cause we're freaky like that), but delicious!
7. Clotted Cream: Yes, they have scones to go with it! This thick, heavy cream ice cream is made by indirectly heating full-cream cow's milk using steam and then leaving it in a shallow pan to cool. Then, it's frozen. Then, it melts in your mouth and you realize you never actually had any form of dairy before ever in your whole life. Then you call your mom to ask why.
6. Apple Crumble: Fact. Ice cream is wet but the apple bits are perfectly crisp and the crumble part is perfectly crunchy. Fact. There's clearly some hocus pocus hoodoo voodoo going on here. Don't question it. Just love.
5. Earl Grey and Lavender: So refreshing and sophisticated! One bite of this and you will instantaneously commence upon speaking with a veritable British accent and aggrandize your multisyllabic vocabulary, good sir. (We have no idea what we just said.)
4. Sticky Toffee Pudding: Simultaneously sweet and crunchy and salty and satisfying. Our only gripe is that we wish it were actually sticky so it wouldn't go down do fast and so easy.
3. Chocolate Chili: The strangest one of all. This chocolate mixed with chili powder got rave reviews from everyone around us in the very packed shop. Starts off smooth and sweet and creamy, and then ends with a hot kick in the crotch. Seriously, wear a cup. The spicy kick takes so ridiculously long to experience that you actually think you are in the clear, and then Accio Flameo! Your head is set on fire. Of course, you have to eat more ice cream to put out the fire. So you will never stop eating this and never leave the shop. We'll tell your loved ones you are OK. Bring toiletries.
2. Strawberry and Peanut Butter: Like the best thing you ever received in your lunch box as a kid, signed with a little love note from your mom saying: "Everything is right in the world. You are loved." You do deserve this ice cream. You do.
(Pictured above is my cohort in decadence, Tierney Bricker, who converted me into a card-carrying Potterhead by the end of our Diagon Alley experience.)
1. Salted Caramel Blondie: We. Cried. Actual. Tears. Yes, this frozen elixir of salted caramel, über-creamy cream and the best Blondie brownie chunks you'll ever encounter seems like a less exotic flavor than the others and certainly it's name is not Potteresque, but your first taste of Salted Caramel Blondie is a love affair that will grip you with so much rapture you will question your own relationship status. We don't want to be with anyone else. We don't want Blondie to be with anyone else. Ever. We want to be exclusive and get married and have babies with this ice cream. But how do you put a ring on it?
Until we figure that out, we suppose everyone who visits Universal Orlando's Diagon Alley when it opens July 8 can get a taste of it. Just don't eat it all, you greedy little muggles!
Now check out the video at the very top to get a peek inside Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Shop (no one else has yet!) and live vicariously through us without the calories!
Don't Forget: Tune into Live From the Red Carpet: Diagon Alley at 8 p.m. tonight on E!