Imagine, if you will, going into a doctor's office and saying: "Hey, you know that scene in Goldfinger where James Bond is getting a laser aimed directly at his crotch? Gimme that."
That's sort of what's happening here.
Thrive, a clinic in Dallas, has something called "thigh gap therapy," where they use cold lasers to give you the space between your legs that truly signifies that you are a beautiful person. Forget about that space between your ears (read: your brain), if you don't have a gap between your thighs, you are basically a monster.
This cold laser therapy, called Zerona, claims it can contour your shape and shrink fat cells "even in the most inconspicuous of places." A woman named Tara documented her experience to Dallas' CBS affiliate.
"When I first came in, they told me to spread 'em, and then I was nervous," Tara said. "It's a nice alternative. I can't feel a single thing."
Note to everyone: If you walk into any place and they actually use the phrase "spread 'em," walk right back out.
"Everybody has one part of your body that it's really hard to get fat off of," Thrive owner Clint Herzog told CBS. "And that's where Zerona comes in. The laser goes in and it basically emulsifies that outside layer of the fat, and allows it to exit out of your lymphatic system."
Obviously, we are very skeptical and believe none of this. We're more the type to lose weight by doing really insane things, like eating right and exercising.