Would you break your leg to get out of finals? What about breaking your sternum? Apparently, these are legitimate questions that two students from the University of Georgia asked themselves during finals weeks, and their answer was: "Yes, we would rather have broken bones than take some tests."
Flagpole.com discovered this little gem on Craigslist that has two female students asking for help getting out of finals. And by "help," we mean they were asking for vehicular assault.
The posting (which has since been removed) read: "I am looking for someone to run my friend and I over with a car. We do not want to die, we just want to be injured enough to get out of taking our finals here at UGA."
We have so many questions from just two sentences. For starters, do they honestly believe they can control the outcome of a car running them over? "We do not want to die," they wrote. Well, that's all well and good but you are asking for someone driving a two-ton killing machine to run you over. You might not want to die, but there is a good chance you could die.
The post ends with another reminder to keep them alive, albeit injured enough to get out of finals: "Please do not kill."
Fine, but only because you said "please."
But our favorite part about this Craigslist posting is what they put for compensation. If anyone had agreed to this, they would not get paid. They would, however, experience the privilege of "hitting two lovely ladies by vehicle w/ permission."
So either they think that the act of attempted murder is something people would want to do and that should be compensation enough, or they think a person reading it would be more likely to do it if the ladies are "lovely."
"Well, I was on the fence about running these two strangers over but they did say they were 'lovely' so…I'm in! And whichever one is still conscious after I hit them with my Honda Accord is the one I'll ask out for coffee."
And in case you were wondering, the ad was in the skilled trades section.
Finally, can we just say that maybe it's better that the girls don't graduate? We'd rather not have humans like these two in the real world. The real world is screwed up enough as it is.
The future of America, everybody!