We always thought the end of civilization would be preceded with locusts, volcanoes erupting all over the planet and that whole fire and brimstone thing. But it turns out we were very, very wrong. (It happens sometimes. Not often.)
The end of the world is nigh, you guys. How do we know? Because not only is KFC bringing back a sandwich that makes our pancreas shudder in fear, but Domino's Pizza is launching a new product that will surely bring about the apocalypse.
KFC has announced that they are putting the Double Down sandwich back on the menu, which is funny because we just mentioned that item last week when talking about the Yale student who was told to gain weight. So this might all be our fault.
The Double Down is essentially a bacon and cheese sandwich, but instead of bread, the buns are actually two pieces of fried chicken. So it's a piece of fried chicken, bacon, cheese and then another piece of fried chicken. It will return on April 21, which means the Mayans were dead wrong about the date of the end of the world. And what's worse is that KFC will also be launching a "Double Down Dare" campaign on social media. We pray that the campaign isn't about how many Double Down sandwiches a single human can eat in one sitting, because that is how people die.
And now, let's talk about Domino's Pizza. The company announced this week that a new product is now available to order, and it's called Specialty Chicken. It's essentially a pizza with fried chicken for the crust instead of pizza dough. Yes, these meals are smaller than say, a medium-size pizza. But still, in a nutshell, that is what Domino's is unleashing onto the planet.
You can get your fried chicken pizza topped with stuff like bacon, cheese and different types of sauces. The four "unique flavors" are: Crispy Bacon and Tomato, Spicy Jalapeno-Pineapple, Classic Hot Buffalo and Sweet BBQ Bacon.
"Our new Specialty Chicken is one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had," Russell Weiner, Domino's Pizza chief marketing officer said in a statement. "Our pizza chefs have taken chicken to a whole new level, using our unique ingredients to create these four bold flavors. There's nothing quite like Domino's Specialty Chicken on the market today."
Your pizza chefs have also undoubtedly opened up the gates to Hades. Damn it, Russell!
Welp, if we're going to go down, we might as well go down in a glorious blaze of bacon, cheese and fried chicken.
Honest question: Would you guys order the new Domino's fried chicken pizza thing? And who here has had a Double Down from KFC and is comfortable enough to talk about the experience?