David Letterman isn't leaving The Late Show until 2015, but the race to find his replacement is already underway. One of the many names in contention is Ellen DeGeneres—but does the daytime talk show host even want the gig? The comedienne addresses the rumors on her eponymous talk show Thursday.
"I am very flattered but I really love doing my daytime show," DeGeneres tells viewers. "And nighttime is very different. There's a lot of political humor, which I don't do. But I feel you don't know if you're good at something until you try it. So I'm gonna see what it would look like if I did do a late night show. So I'm gonna start over. Let's bring out our announcer, [Paul Bartholomew]. Come on out."
Bartholomew reintroduces her: "Live from Burbank California, here's Ellen Deeeeeeeeee-generes!"
DeGeneres, 56, struggles to come out of the curtain. "Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I haven't had that much trouble coming out since 1997. Please have a seat. Thank you. Paul, how are you today?"
"Good!" Bartholomew replies. "Excellent."
"Just a little diddy there?" DeGeneres asks during her monologue.
"Yeah, just throwing it out there," he answers.
"All right. Wonderful, wonderful," DeGeneres continues. "Hey, it's been really hot in L.A. this week. So hot Steven Tyler only wore nine scarves! Well, let's get to the news. So much is happening in politics right now. Europe. Asia. Hillary Clinton. Am I right? I mean…Hey have you heard about this? The White House announced that 7 million people have signed up for coverage under Obamacare. Although if they really wanna cover people, they should make hospital gowns that close in the back."
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"Here, this is interesting: Last month Colorado made 3.5 million dollars in profit from marijuana," she says. "And if you ask me, that number, just like everyone in Colorado, is super high. Right, Paul?"
DeGeneres then riffs off one of Letterman's most popular segments with her very own "Top 11 List."
All kidding aside, DeGeneres will miss the late-night veteran. "I would like to say, David Letterman, you are an incredibly brilliant and clever man. I've always been a fan I loved watching you. You've made us happy for over 30 years. So what better song to dedicate to you than Pharrell Williams' "'Happy?'"