10. The pitter-patter of little Grim Reaper feet in the hallway.
9. Reruns of Murder, She Wrote on the Hallmark Movie Channel.
8. An actual murder.
7. Their spouse shouting, "WHERE'S DAVE? NO, MARTY, I AM USING THE CLICKER RIGHT. NO MARTY, THIS IS THE RIGHT STATION. CALL THE CBS, SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH THE TV."
6. Anything else on CBS. Because if they don't, who will?
5. The sound of the phone not ringing and the silent resignation that the grandchildren are never going to call.
4. Sweet, sweet lovemaking. (Brought to you by Viagra! If you have an erection lasting longer than four hours, contact your doctor or visit a hospital immediately. #Sponsored)
3. "Jimmy What's-His-Name. No, the other one! The one with the hair!"
2. "Beep…beep… …..beep…beep.. ..beep..beep..beepbeep... beepbeepbeepbeepbrrrrrrrrrrrrr."
And the No. 1 thing old people will fall asleep to now that Letterman is retiring…
1. The Late Show With David Letterman, in a year or so when David Letterman decides he wants to return to late night and takes The Late Show back from Conan O'Brien. That Conan can never catch a break!