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Notre Dame college student

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This will undoubtedly be your favorite story of the day, so after reading this you can just go home.

Brian McCurren, a 19-year-old Notre Dame student, was arrested and charged with burglary, vandalism and underage drinking this past Sunday after he literally smashed through the wall of a South Bend, Ind., spa. That was bad enough, but it's what Brian did when he got into the spa that takes this story from "drunk shenanigans" to "what in the hell happened?!"

First of all, let's cover how he got into the Therapeutic Indulgence spa. First, he smashed through the front door of the building using, according to police, a 100-pound flower pot, which obviously triggered the burglary alarm. Once inside the breezeway, Brian supposedly found a hammer and started to dig his way through the drywall and into the spa.

Notre Dame college student

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While inside the spa, Brian destroyed furniture and broke several lamps. He also sprayed a fire extinguisher in four different rooms inside the building, leaving a trail that led police officers responding to the alarm upstairs where Brian was found early Sunday morning.

So what else do drunk people want to do besides destroy things for no reason? They want to eat, damn it.

Police officers discovered after searching the premises that at some point during his rampage, Brian made his way to the spa kitchen, stole several Hot Pockets from the freezer and cooked them in the microwave (and presumably forgot about them moments later). Brian also tried to cook macaroni and cheese in the oven. First of all, doesn't Brian know that Hot Pockets are being recalled? And secondly, what kind of mac and cheese gets cooked in the oven? Unless it's one of those frozen casseroles you bake, in which case we understand because those things can be quite delicious.

Owner Sara ros Frazie walked WSBT through the damages (video above) and revealed that when the police found McCurren, he had "passed out [while] eating drumsticks on the table." Sounds about right.

Therapeutic Indulgence estimates that Brian caused several thousand dollars worth of damages to their spa.

And here's the big finish. When police asked Brian if he had done any drugs, his response was: "I hope so."

And we hope that guy is never allowed near alcohol ever again. Because clearly, he did not handle it well.

(H/T Buzzfeed)