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INDEPENDENCE DAY: Lil' Kim set to be released from prison Monday, the day before the Fourth of July. The pint-size diva has been behind bars in Philadelphia since Sept. 19 for lying about a shootout outside a hip-hop radio station. Next up--The Apprentice: Lil' Kim?

MAKING IT LEGAL: Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey close to reclaiming their single-people status in the eyes of the law after filing court documents requesting that a judge be assigned to sign off on a divorce decree. If we were MTV, we'd so run a Newlyweds marathon right about now.

THIS IS J.LO--THEN: Jennifer Lopez's first ex-husband, Ojani Noa, agreeing to an injunction blocking him from discussing the details of his sex life with Lopez in his upcoming tell-all about his marriage. Now we're definitely not buying it--not that we had planned to anyway.

THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES: The WB signing off on Sept. 17 and commemorating the event by airing the original episodes of Felicity, Angel, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Dawson's Creek, beginning at 5p and running through 10p. The next day, the CW will be born.

OUCH! David Hasselhoff undergoing surgery after severing a tendon in his arm in a bizarre shaving accident. The Baywatch star's publicist said he was "fine."

DIRECT TO VIDEO: Michael Jackson claiming in a videotaped deposition that was sure he had paid his former associate F. Marc Schaffel, who claims the entertainer owes him $3.8 million. Asked why he thought he had paid Schaffel, Jackson replied, "Because he always seemed to be happy," revealing his ignorance of old adages about what money can't buy.

HOT TO TROT: After collapsing from a reported combination of heat exhaustion and food poisoning, Rob Schneider back on the set of his upcoming "comedy," Big Stan, in which he plays the title character, a locked-up con man who learns kung fu to defend himself against his fellow inmates. We sure hope the collapse didn't delay production on this work of cinematic genius.

FROM DAYTIME TO DRAMA: Star Jones Reynolds telling Larry King Live that she was "so shocked" by Rosie O'Donnell's "viciousness." We eagerly await O'Donnell's poetically lowercased reply.

IN THE ARMY NOW: Tom Hanks inducted as an honorary member into the U.S. Army's Ranger Hall of Fame, the first actor ever to receive the commendation. Being an actor, however, Hanks was unable to attend the ceremony due to other obligations. Sir, no, sir.

ALL YOU NEED IS... Love, the Cirque du Soleil spectacular about the life and music of the Beatles, opening in Las Vegas Friday. Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Yoko Ono and George Harrison's widow, Olivia all expected to be in attendance at the premiere.

FAMILY TIES: The Spelling family, i.e. Candy and Randy Spelling, releasing a statement calling Tori Spelling's claims that she learned of her father's death via an email from a friend "mean-spirited and surprising." We're guessing Tori's invite to the family Fourth of July barbecue may have gotten lost in the mail.

CASE FOR RENEWAL: TNT picking up The Closer, starring Kyra Sedgwick, for a third season, the network announced. The renewal comes two weeks after the second season premiere set a record for a basic cable original scripted series with 8.3 million viewers. So, apparently some of you are watching.