Fun fact: Our first celebrity crush was Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones. Now that you know a little more about us and we're all closer for it, we thought we'd share our picks for who should be the next person to put on Indiana Jones' hat. And that is a big hat to fill. And we know it, because that franchise is very precious to us. Sorry, Star Wars, but Indiana Jones is our favorite trilogy.
What's that? There are four Indiana Jones movies? Ha! You must be mistaken. That franchise ended with Indy, his dad, Marcus and Sallah riding off into the sunset after finding the Holy Grail. There was no fourth movie with aliens, a guy who isn't famous anymore and monkeys swinging on ropes. You imagined that. Indiana Jones ended with Last Crusade, for sure.*
Anyway, since Disney now owns the Indiana Jones franchise, they are free to reboot it or make prequels or sequels or make cartoons based on Short Round from Temple of Doom. (Don't do that last one, Disney). Nothing has been officially announced regarding a new Indiana Jones film, but a rumor has been circulating recently that Bradley Cooper is in talks to become the next Indiana Jones. We think that's a fine choice; he's got the swagger and the good looks and he can certainly do both comedy and action. But we have some other choices for our whipping man.
Here are our top picks, including Bradley "We'd Hit That" Cooper. Enjoy (and then debate us and each other). But to be clear, no one, and we mean not one human being on this earth, will ever be the real Indiana Jones besides Harrison Ford. He's the first, the last and the only. But we think these actors will do a fine job should there be a reboot with a new Dr. Jones:
Bradley Cooper: He looks good in that hat, no? And like we said above, we've seen him in action with The A-Team. We know after three Hangover movies that he can be funny with a touch of cockiness. And he's Oscar-nominated, so he can carry the film with his acting. And added bonus: we know how he looks when he's all sweaty and disheveled. And he looks gooood.
Michael B. Jordan If Disney wants to go a bit younger with the new Indy, Michael B. Jordan is one of our favorite picks. At 27, he would inject some youthful energy into the character. Sure, we know he's already part of another huge franchise, but he's too attractive and too damn talented to not be stretched out a bit. Get it? Because he's in Fantastic Four? Yeah, we know he's not playing Mr. Fantastic but whatever. Joke still landed.
Chris Pratt We know, we know. Another man involved with a couple of huge franchises, but check out how badass he looks! We adore him on Parks and Recreation and we know we'll adore him in Guardians of the Galaxy. We just adore him every which way, and we would completely trust him with our beloved Indiana Jones franchise.
Michael Fassbender There were rumors that he was being considered as the next James Bond if and when Daniel Craig gives up his Walther PPK. So if he's good enough to take on Bond...Also, Fassy is worldly and can speak multiple languages, so he'd work so well as Indy the world traveler. He can be Magneto and our favorite archelogist, right? Right.
Logan Lerman He is our other favorite pick if Disney wants to go younger (he's 22), and he was so good in Perks of Being a Wallflower that it actually made us sick. That's how good he was in that film. Plus, he's very cute and we've seen him do action in his Percy Jackson series. Being the next Indiana Jones is the perfect vehicle to catapult Logan into the stratosphere where he belongs.
Tatiana Maslany: Well, why not?! The success of films like The Hunger Games and Divergent show that moviegoers are more than OK with (if not anxious for more) badass female action heroes. And if you haven't seen Orphan Black, then you're missing out on one of the best performances by an actress right now, in film and in television. And how beloved is Marion Ravenwood to the Indiana Jones franchise? It's because she was spunky and smart and the perfect counterpart to Indiana Jones. So if Tatiana isn't the one under the hat, at the very least she can be the new Marion, but with a more badass twist.
Newcomer: We're also not against the idea of a unknown actor plucked from obscurity and introduced to the world as our new Indiana Jones. We love falling in love with new rising stars. See: Jennifer Lawrence, Benedict Cumberbatch, etc.
What do you think of our choices? Let us know (in a non-terrible and constructive way) below in the comments. And don't forget to offer up your own picks!
*denial is a healthy thing if it means forgetting Kingdom of the Crystal Skull