A24Attention: if you are staying at home/school for spring break, then you can disregard this guide. This is only for people who are traveling and/or partying hard during their spring vacation. Not that you can't party hard and enjoy your time off while at home or still at school, but you know, the people who are traveling and leaving their good decision-making skills at the door need this more than you do.
Dear younger self, who is about to go on a trip to Cabo, Florida, Las Vegas or a similar popular spring break destination:
Hi! I'm the future you, at age 30, and I want to talk about the spring break experience you are about to have. Actually, I'm here to warn you about the spring break experience you are about to have.
I definitely want you to have fun, because I know that Econ midterm was a real pain in the ass. And I know that the dude from your 10 a.m. lecture is totally hot and you think he's into you and you're looking to capitalize on that while you're both dancing to Rihanna's "We Found Love" at some random club in South Padre Island, Texas. But please, as future you I am begging…follow these simple rules I have.
Trust me, you will regret skipping any or all of these guidelines. Listen up:
1. Moderation Is Key: Our liver is still recovering from all the beer pong tournaments we got involved in during spring break, so please refrain from drinking until you barf. Keep your wits about you! No one wants to see that, and your liver needs to last much longer than college does. By all means, relax and let loose. But make sure you're drinking tons of water, too. Your hangover will be grateful if you stay hydrated.
2. Put On Some Damn Sunscreen: Wouldn't you know it, but when you get older it's more important to have healthy skin that's cancer-free than it is to have a golden glow. I don't care if you are the palest girl at the pool, please put on sunscreen liberally. You can still get nice coloring while still protecting your skin with some SPF. Trust me, the girls lathering up with oil and SPF -9 might think their bright pink skin is "totes hot" right now, but they'll regret it later when wrinkles (or worse) pop up.
3. Wrap It Up: You do not want an STD and/or a child at your age. Please, if you have it, have safe sex. No glove, no love, remember?
4. Don't Get Arrested: Public intoxication is very real.
5. Evidence Is Forever: Before you do anything (streaking down the street, dancing on a bar, getting married to a random stranger), ask yourself: "Would I be embarrassed if photos of this stuff show up on the Internet later in my life?" If you would be ashamed, then maybe rethink what you're about to do. Definitely make the most of your vacation and create everlasting memories, but remember that what happens in whatever place never ever just stays in that place. Social media has taken care of that old phrase.
6. No Tattoos: The people you meet on spring break, while perfectly nice and fun to hang out with, will not be your "Besties 4 Life." So for the love of all that is good in this world, do not get matching tattoos just because your whole crew thinks it's a good idea. Just get each other's Twitter handles and keep in touch that way. You will almost definitely not want that tattoo of a dolphin jumping over a sunflower with your hotel room number written in the middle later in life.
That's it. Simple rules, right?
Yeah, you probably think after reading my rules that I'm a big stick in the mud, or whatever the kids in your time call lame people. But I'm not. I'm just 30 years old. And I'm trying to keep you from letting a week of partying impact your adulthood. You are allowed to have fun, just as long as that "fun" doesn't lead to you never getting a respectable job because you are required by law to tell prospective employers that you were once arrested in Miami for drunkenly picking up children off the street, proclaiming them to be hobbits and carrying them around while yelling, "We're off to Mordor!"
I just gave you an idea, didn't I? Damn it. Please don't get arrested.
Stay safe out there, kids!