YoutubeRemember when we said that "Achy Breaky 2" by Buck 22 and Billy Ray Cyrus was the worst song of 2014? Well, we were wrong. We were so very, very wrong.
Former Teen Mom and current porn star Farrah Abraham has recorded a song called "Blowin." That fact alone should be terrifying. But it gets worse.
She also made a music video to go along with this lyrical gem. We're calling it a "lyrical gem" because Farrah wrote the song, which will be painfully obvious once you read the lyrics to "Blowin" in the YouTube description.
Anyway, you can watch the entire masterpiece above or you can just check out the 13 most ridiculous moments of the video, which will show you everything you really need to know about "Blowin." Your call.
1. Her Twitter profile picture is aliiive! Kill it! Kill it with fire!
2. "Girls, let's take a selfie with this Teen Mom girl! I'm gonna put it on Instagram and caption it with: 'living the celeb life!' Except what's the opposite of 'celeb'?"
3. Seriously. That is how Farrah pronounces and spells the word celebrity. We don't know if it's intentional or if she's just an idiot. We are leaning heavily toward one of those scenarios. Guess which one?
4. Now she's just sing-talking buzzy words. And she's doing it off-key! Anyway, here are some more words for your next video, Farrah: Strategery. Aptitusion. Networkvinicity. You're so welcome.
5. Look out! Awkward white guy dancing. OK, he went with the head-bob move. Bold choice.
6. Sweet mercy, now her Facebook profile picture is dancing. Damn it all to hell.
7. Really? These were the meanest tweets from "haters" you could find? C'mon, at least give us an honest representation of your Twitter feed.
8. The more we watch this video, the more we realize that the blurry shots are not just to give it an "artsy" look. We believe the director didn't want to focus on her for too long, lest we see that her lip-syncing is terrible.
9. Now there's two of them. Nope. Unsubscribe.
10. We're just gonna leave these lyrics here and let the jokes write themselves.
11. Her daughter was far and away the best part of this video, but sadly, she was barely in it. Actually, that's probably for the best. Let's leave the innocent children out of this.
12. Actualy, Farrah, we think you're famous for a couple other things besides just being you.
13. Cheers! That video was awful, you guys.
For a palate cleanser, please enjoy this video of a cat getting busted for trying to take stuff out of a drawer: