St. Patrick's Day is not until Monday, but unless you are a college student, unemployed or an alcoholic (sad face!), you will probably end up celebrating this weekend. Being hungover at work on a Tuesday is not a cute look.
Beware of these people. While you are out, you will see them. You must avoid them.
1. The Person Who Starts Drinking Too Early
Avoid the person who drank a beer for breakfast. The "pregamer" in the group will be wasted long before anyone else is even tipsy. The day will likely end with them crying.
2. The Person Who Starts Drinking Too Late
Avoid the person who has to meet up with you later in the day, stone cold sober, and wants to play catch up. They too, will be too drunk, too fast and the night will likely end in vomit.
3. The "IRISH CAR BOMBS!!!!!!!!" Guy
First of all, Irish Car Bombs are disgusting. Second of all, the guy who screams the name of a drink over and over will also want to drink that drink over and over. There is never only one "IRISH CAR BOMB!!!!!!!!!!"
4. The Person Who Pinches Everyone Who Isn't Wearing Green
How did this become a thing? Assaulting someone with a pinch just because they don't own anything green. How is that fair? How is that legal? And if you are this person, stop being this person. Smarten up.
5. The Person Who Isn't Irish Until St. Patrick's Day
For 364 days a year, this person's heritage is a mystery. But today is their day and they will tell you that they are, in fact, one percent Irish. Isn't that funny? They will make it seem like no big deal, but it will be a big deal.
They are not to be trusted.