If you aren't following Martha Stewart on Twitter, you're not just wasting your own time, you are wasting all of our time. Because @MarthaStewart (it's verified) is a treasure trove of crazy. She's like that aunt who is just learning to use the Internet and keeps accidentally commenting on your Facebook statuses. Or like an alien who's trying to learn the English language in order to blend in until the time is right.
Let's keep an eye on Martha Stewart.
Here is a deep dive of 42 of her weirdest tweets:
1. This tweet, about whether you have ever seen a horse get a tooth pulled? HAVE YOU?
Ever see a horse get a tooth pulled? See my horse Rutger get his tooth pulled on my blog today. Pls comment on blog http://t.co/MCvXDCfdqH
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) March 3, 2014You have now.
2. You've probably seen her food tweets already? They're not great.
Best slow cooked onion soup with baguette croutons and gruyere and Comte cheese melted on top. Garden onions pic.twitter.com/VNFkeiV3o3
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) November 17, 20133. So fragrant!
Matsutake mushrooms sliced over broken rice and broth. Fragrant and very very good pic.twitter.com/QzcpX1vSkY
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) October 25, 20134. So fragrant...
Best yet. Puree of celeriac and white Croatian truffles. Fragrant buttery and so good. Kudos to the chef pic.twitter.com/vnl9J68lx0
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) October 25, 20135. At first, she would just get defensive about her food photography:
Now if any one thinks this is a bad photo you are ridiculous. Tartuffi bianchi and fettuccine at le cirque. pic.twitter.com/M7zG5lbB9M
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) November 21, 20136. Now she just passes the blame:
If you do not think this is a beautiful and delicious dish tell maestro jean georges at the miami st regis bal harbour
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) February 21, 20147. And she will absolutely not hesitate to shame you about your food:
This is kevin's lunch. Two PBand J and chips and diet coke. Although it is not what I eat it looks good! pic.twitter.com/oO64kuacHN
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) August 19, 20138. Her punctuation leads to a lot of confusion. Is the magazine called Weddings Cool? Or does Martha think it's cool that a swimsuit model can get married? Hey, it's legal, Martha. Whether you agree with it or not!
Here is crissy teigen and john legend on our newest issue of Weddings Cool that she is a swimsuit star too pic.twitter.com/ViXOSLxHCI
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) February 25, 20149. Martha starts new conversations by establishing that she is starting a new conversation.
maybe we can start a new conversation: what is your favorite restaurant anywhere and why?
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) February 26, 201410. And this is what she converses about:
Thanks for your nice comments about Triscuits and how you enjoy them. We work closely with advertisers to understand customers' likes
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) February 25, 201411. Because Martha Stewart is serious about Triscuits.
I am in a very serious conversation about this popular(very popular) cracker
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) February 24, 201412. She f--king looooooooooooves Triscuits.
Do you eat/buy/love Triscuits?? When was the last time you had a triscuit? How did you eat it?
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) February 24, 201413. She'll tell you what she's wearing. She is wearing gold pants.
I am wearing gold pants and necklace by top designer in Colombia Silvia tcherassi my blouse,Louis Vuitton pic.twitter.com/FE5Ar0tCoq
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) February 9, 201414. She will tell you unbelievable things.
Can you believe that I am Listening to the beginning of the Super bowl on the Radio? I am late getting home from the ballet with Jude
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) February 2, 201415. And keep you up to date on breaking news with helpful resources.
I counted 17 flowers on this one plant and there are still some buds that have not yet opened Learn about it @the Martha blog
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) December 12, 201316. Her adjective game is off the chains. When's the last time you used "boisterous" in a tweet?
Soo jee lee and Frankie pellegrino, owner of rao's. We are having a boisterous dinner amidst a lively crowd pic.twitter.com/m0FS4kQaVC
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) December 20, 201317. Especially while describing her travels.
Fort mcmuray. Oil center. On the athabasca river it has a pop of about 100,000 everything is trucked in here. Flown in. Barged in. Cold
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) December 4, 201318. Such poetry!
Angry ocean angry sky brisk cold winds. October in east Hampton. Brrrrrr pic.twitter.com/dU7e1O2Oyn
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) October 13, 201319. Such beauty!
This amazing double rainbow appeared at 7pm on my birthday! It spanned what looked like the whole sky pic.twitter.com/d4Ropu9mTV
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) August 6, 201320. Most of the pictures she posts look like this:
The demo is all about Cakes with a book signing at 3pm. Please pay me a visit!!! By the way have you eaten at edulis? pic.twitter.com/rriu13hnvl
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) October 25, 201321. She's at her best when she's sassy.
Yeah. I am driving at 60mph, talking on my phone and tweeting at the same time!!! Its fun!!! Think I am really???????
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) July 12, 201322. She refers to herself in the third person and is VERY serious about bloggers.
Big hubbub about me not supporting bloggers. Martha Stewart loves most bloggers who are great friends and trusted allies
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) October 16, 2013Martha's Twitter feed is not without questions though...
23. Why wouldn't they be edible, Martha?
I made yummy edible holiday goodies this morning on @TODAYshow. Hv a look & try it yourself http://t.co/Nnc1zx3AMB pic.twitter.com/qaFut9DXxu
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) December 10, 201324. Does this mean she steals? Does Martha steal??
Did a lot of window shopping on Beverly rodeo and canon. Best time to shop is when all the stores are closed everything very cheap then
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) October 20, 201325. Is she wondering what Marc Jacobs will do next in general? In fashion? Or does she think Marc Jacobs is a terrorist and is going to hijack the flight??
On air france from paris. The indomitable marc jacobs is in my cabin and he looks fabulous! We all wonder what he will do next
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) October 9, 201326. How would we know, Martha??
What did @dominique Ansel do with the eggs I sent him this morning?
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) August 16, 201327. OH?
I am in st croix where the time is now 11;38 pm.
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) January 1, 201428. OK?
T he gulls at garcias are ready for anything you toss to them they loved the saltines!
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) February 20, 201429. OK?????
The head of the blue whale the largest animal that ever lived
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) November 22, 201330. A.
A
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) November 16, 2013Howard slstkin renowned interior designer sent this wrapped present yo Jude Stewart Such wrapping ! pic.twitter.com/EgofZDnriS
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) February 9, 201432. Martha's (ongoing?) feud with Apple is everyone's ongoing feud with Apple:
i cannot believe that Apple Public Relations is mad at me for tweeting about my Ipad and how to get it fixed! steve jobs gave it to me!
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) September 27, 201333.
Let's now talk turkey: Ipads addictive,awesome,expensive. Glass should /could be unbreakable. That the iPad works with cracked corners-great
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) September 27, 201334.
But the cracked glass is sharp and can cut. I was just upset that I(someone)was clumsy and let the iPad fall out of the car. To fix is time
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) September 27, 201335.
but it is impossible so i will deal with it all silently and hope that apple will fix everything so i can function again with proper tools
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) September 27, 201336.
i wish i could explain everything here on twitter about the broken IPad, the stolen IPhone, the silly joke about repairs and my frustration!
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) September 27, 201337. It's fun to hear about her famous friends: What do you think Blake Lively and Chevy Chase talked about?! What could Blake Lively and Chevy Chase possibly have to talk about??
The inn at pound ridge is hopping tonight! Blake lively. Ryan Reynolds. Chevy chase. Jean Georges and me pic.twitter.com/98QiN9W74Y
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) February 15, 201438. Actually, all of her celebrity observations are amazing.
Michael Vera and I will be on letterman tonight wow. He looks the same as in the movies pic.twitter.com/6NWNv9EHDM
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) July 8, 201339. She live tweets events and you only understand, at best, half of what is going on.
Gloria is writing her autobiography.Sex and World Peace her current favorite book.Alice Walker her favorite author. She is a Hopeaholic
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) February 11, 201440. She is an amateur obituary writer.
Just attended the funeral of a Chinese friend(97) in Flushing Queens.a very lovely, respectful, personal service with many memories shared
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) February 15, 2014(This is sad, but what??)
41. You will not follow Martha for free though. She asks of you, the reader. She demands of you: When were you last in a Petsmart?
Big meeting today at Petsmart headquarters in Phoenix When were you last in a Petsmart? pic.twitter.com/Woz1Pwji99
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) January 30, 201442. Yes. You can go home, Martha.
Can I go home now? I think the game is over.
? Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) February 3, 2014