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Mario Kart Speed Skating

YouTube

If more Olympic events were like this one, we wouldn't miss a single sport. Is it too late to alter the games?

What? The Winter Olympics are over, you say? Damn it all the hell! Missed opportunity.

Well, at least we have this video to show us what speed skating would be like if it was more like Mario Kart. Spoiler alert: It would be awesome! Sure, it ends with the deaths of all the skaters, but isn't that a small price to pay for the entertainment value?

All the Mario Kart staples are in there: the green shell that makes you feel like a boss when you actually hit someone with it, banana peels and of course, the lightning bolt that shrinks your fellow drivers. That part of the video is our personal favorite, because you know what happens when the person who used the lightning comes up behind the tiny competitors…

The entire event even has commentators, who give us the play by play in the dullest, driest voices ever. It really makes the whole event feel authentic, even when a giant Chain Chomp starts dragging a skater along.

Related question: when you guys play Mario Kart, which character do you pick? We always go with Princess Peach, because as the great Tina Fey once said:

Tina Fey GIF