The 2014 Winter Olympics kicked off with an opening ceremony that starred The Hunger Games' Effie Trinket and Drunk Snuggles the Bear. But now it's time to talk about what the Olympics are really all about: sports!
Athletes from all over the world are coming together in one place to compete in events they've been training their whole lives for. It should be a nonstop thrill ride to watch, right? For the most part, yes. But sometimes the sport you're watching just doesn't do it for you. There is no shame in wanting to know what events might be kind of a snooze-fest so you can avoid them. Or maybe you're into the more subdued games so you'll want to avoid the heart-stopping ones. Either way, you need this list.
Before we get to our rankings, we just want to acknowledge the fact that no matter how boring the sport, there is no way in hell we could perform like the Olympians do. We are mere mortals, and they are real athletes. We know.
Now let's talk about the 2014 Winter Olympic events in order from least exciting to must-watch. There are 15 events, and though a lot of them have different subcategories (pairs, singles, etc.), we're just judging the sport overall:
15. Curling: Shuffleboard on ice! Plus, broom thingies! Yes, we know it's more complicated than that but we still aren't clamoring to watch it.
14. Cross-Country Skiing: It's marathon running for skiing, which means watching it is exhausting. We get tired just watching how strenuous the event is and also because it's long-distance (read: drawn out viewing). We like our races quick and to the point. That's what she said? Maybe.
13. Bobsledding: Who doesn't love the movie Cool Runnings? But c'mon, the actual sport is kind of boring to watch. There are more exciting ways to be propelled down a mountain, but we'll get to that.
12. Biathlon: It's less boring than plain cross-country skiing because it involves shooting rifles! Who came up with this sport?!
11. Nordic Combined: This sport mashes up ski jumping (one of our favorite events) and cross-country skiing (one of our least favorite events). Sure, it doesn't have guns like the Biathlon event, but ski jumping is more exciting to watch anyway. Plus, you have to be impressed with athletes who come from a long distant event and then have to jump through the air right after.
10. Alpine Skiing: This is also known as downhill skiing, and it's one of our least favorite ski events. At least it's a race, so it's still fun to watch. And they get judged for style, which is kind of awesome. But we like when we have to hold our breath while our skiers hurtle themselves through the air, which is what we do while watching ski jumping.
9. Speed Skating: Who doesn't love sprinters in spandex?
8. Short Track Speed Skating: All the things you love about speed skating, but on a smaller-sized rink. Which means more room for error which means roller derby on ice, essentially.
7. Figure Skating: Graceful choreography, fancy tricks and the costumes are on point. But there is no racing involved so we're less interested.
6. Snowboarding: All the jumps and flips are fun to watch, but we can take or leave this one. Plus it just makes us mad because when we attempt snowboarding we just fall on our ass in every possible way a human being can fall on an ass.
5. Ice Hockey: You either hate hockey or you love it, but it's one of the few team events in the games, so it has that going for it. Personally, we're hockey fans so we'll definitely be watching. You never know when another Miracle-esque situation is going to pop up.
4. Ski Jumping: Because there is nothing scarier than watching humans catapult themselves into the air with small skis attached to their feet. We're always certain that the competitor is going to land horribly, which makes the events very anxiety-inducing. We love it.
3. Luge: Humans barreling down a mountain strapped to a tiny board? We're there.
2. Skeleton: A human barreling down a mountain strapped to a tiny board…face first?! We're there early.
1. Freestyle Skiing: This is basically an event where skiers try to prove who can show off the most and who can pull the most crazy-dangerous tricks. You never know what's going to happen, which is our favorite thing about watching the Olympics. Well that, and all the spandex.
What are your favorite events at the winter Olympics? Go sports!
Don't forget! E! begins broadcasting from Sochi starting Feb. 7! And be sure to tune into NBC's prime-time coverage of the games so you don't miss a minute of Winter Olympics action!