Last night, Miley Cyrus got unplugged on MTV's Unplugged. The big story was that she did a duet with Madonna. The big story should have been that it was absolutely ridiculous. These were the most ridiculous moments:
1. When she yelled "YEE-HAW!" and ran onstage and you were like, "Oh so this is how this is going to be."
2. That this is an actual lyric from an actual Miley Cyrus song.
3. When she twerked on this horse.
(Hey, anyone remember when Miley Cyrus said, "People expect me to come out and twerk with my tongue out all the time. I'll probably never do that s--t again," but then kept coming out and twerking with her tongue out all the f--king time? OK, just making sure we didn't imagine it in a fever dream.)
4. When she gave herself a little mammogram right there onstage.
5. When she spanked this little person. (Not that that's anything new.)
6. And when she did this with her vagina.
7. The fact that Abby and Huck from Scandal were there in the audience.
8. When she told a horse it was sexy and she wanted to do sex stuff to it.
9. When she twerked on that horse for the second time.
10. And then when she mounted and humped that horse. How is that OK?!
11. This outfit.
12. These crazy eyes.
13. When she casually introduced "Wrecking Ball" by saying, "A little while ago I got on a wrecking ball and rode it naked. That happened." And we were like, "YEAH, Miley. WE KNOW."
And don't you dare pretend you didn't like the attention.
14. Yeah, the entire duet with Madonna. Just all of it.
15. Like when the first thing they did was grind on each other.
16. And when Madonna used Miley as a stripper pole.
17. When Miley said "somebody might get some" and pointed to Madonna.
18. When Miley spanked Madonna.
19. And then grabbed Madonna and grinded on her from behind like a horny middle schooler at a school dance.
20. When Miley stuck out her tongue.
21. And then Madonna stuck out her tongue.
And you were just like, "Ugh. Madonna. You're better than this! Remember when four days ago you said that you wouldn't do any old song with any old artist? What the f--k happened between then and now?!"
22. Oh, and any time Miley tried to hit a high note.
She can't be stopped, y'all! Which means we'll have to double our efforts and try harder.
And for those keeping score at home: Miley only stuck her tongue out only six times.