James Dittiger/LifetimeIt premiered. They incested. We were captivated.
Lifetime finally gifted the world with their highly anticipated remake of V.C. Andrews' Flowers in the Attic on Saturday night, making up for the extremely lackluster '87 film adaptation that left us unsatisfied.
Telling the story of four children locked in an attic by their abusive mother and grandmother, Mad Men star Kiernan Shipka, Mason Dye, Ellen Burstyn and Heather Graham brought the Dollanganger (or Foxworth) gang to the small screen in all its soapy glory, refusing to shy away from the book's controversial subject matter. (Incest? Yep. Child abuse? You know it.)
Of course, we watched, wine glass in hand and with glee in our heart, as all the melodrama went down. And here are our 10 favorite things about Flowers in the Attic...
1. Kiernan Shipka: No explanation necessary, right? The Mad Men star was the bee's knees as Cathy, delivering epic "bitch, please" faces to her mother with ease. We bow down, Sally Draper. We bow down.
2. This line: "Remember, God sees everything."
3. Grandmother Olivia (a scene-stealing Burstyn) shoving the two 5-year-old twins to the ground. Speaking of...
4. The horrible acting from the young twins. So bad, so good. (Spoiler alert: One dies. Wah-wah-wah.)
5. So much incest: Not only do brother and sister Christopher (Dye) and Cathy end up hooking up to pass time in the attic, but their father and mother were also related. (He was her half-uncle.)
6. Corinne's (Graham) journey from doting and caring mother trying to take care of her four kids after her husband's death to literally sprinkling rat poison on donuts and feeding them to said four kids. Cold-blooded!
Also, one of our favorite moments had to be Heather Graham literally looking up when she said, "Things are finally starting to look up for us." (So Method.)
7. Cathy's horrible haircut after her grandmother puts tar in her hair. Also, can you believe Cathy and Christopher chose a week without food, for them and the twins, rather than cutting her hair? At least they had a chance to feast on the sight of her gorgeous locks for a few days before Targate.
8. The epic slap Corinne delivers to Christopher. Hell hath no fury like a mother c--kblocked.
9. The fact that a staircase is what eventually ends Olivia's reign of terror. You see, she was claustrophobic.
10. There's going to be a sequel: Set 10 years in the future, Petals in the Wind will be "a juicy revenge drama," writer Kayla Alpert teased. While we're super-excited about another movie, we're sad that Shipka will probably not be able to play Cathy again.
Here are three options to take over the juicy role:
Emma Watson: She looks just like Shipka, and hello, she's Emma Watson. (Then again, she turned down Fifty Shades of Grey, so incest probably isn't at the top of her wish list when it comes to her roles.)
Ashley Benson: We feel the Pretty Little Liars could totally play up the soapy goodness of the second book, which is insane in the membrane.
Haylie Duff: She's the network's go-to girl when it comes to their movies. Plus, she's not that busy.
What did you think of Flowers in the Attic? And who do you think should play Cathy in the sequel, if Shipka should exit the role (Shudder!)?