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We Really Need to Know Why This Bottle of Cologne Has a Bulge

Jean Paul Gaultier, Le Male Jean Paul Gaultier

This could be because our idea of fancy cologne or perfume is ripping the samples out of the Glamour magazines left at our doctor's office, but is it normal for a scent bottle to have a bulge? We guess because it's supposed to be the male torso, we should be grateful it's not a Ken Doll-esque cologne bottle, but…no, we're not grateful for any part of this design.

Jean Paul Gaultier's Le Male collection all have a very noticeable bulge in their nether regions, which is confusing at the very least. But when you read the product description, at least they are staying on message:

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"The sculpted body is a model of virility and expresses power. Le Male is strength and sensuality. It gets under your skin...Reminiscent of old time barber shops, this old classic is revisited in a fresh-warm version. Base notes: The sensuality of vanilla expresses tenderness."

Something tells us that Parks and Recreation's Ron Swanson would love this cologne (if he wore any), just because of the scent of "old time barber shops." Also, since when does vanilla express tenderness? We thought vanilla expressed dessert. But we digress.

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While perusing the other offerings from Jean Paul Gaultier, we also noticed that some of the torso bottles (which they will henceforth be known) have shirts on, but no pants. Probably to make sure we all see the bulge. But it begs the question: Are these the Donald Ducks of eau de toilette?

Finally, the perfume side of Jean Paul features womanly shaped bottles, which, to put it delicately: boobs. 

We're confused by this. But we still want them for Christmas so we can stage reenactments of The Notebook with our male and female torso bottles.

Also, is it a bulge or a penis? Discuss.

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