John Mayer's spreading the love all over the Hell-Ay, even more so on his own blog, quickly trumping Reese and Jake at their own PDA game. Plus, Jack Black gives us the real scoop on the Brangelina babies, while Gina Gershon gets all unpatriotic by denying she bedded the prez. We're feelin' extra-bitchy today, you?
Really important rumored copulations in a sec, but first, the Ol’ Geezer Patrol: Vanity Fair's implying Bill Clinton was getting rather familiar with Gina Gershon. Did you catch that one? I just adore, big-time, how T-town begs VF to practically document its citizens for so much as taking a dump—the Condé Nast publication is the fashionable gazette to be associated with, publicist’s hands down—but when it come to good ol’ mattress muckraking, Vanity Fair’s just like the rest of us. Witness Todd Purdum’s just-out Clinton piece, which not so subtly implies B.C. ran up some dry cleaning bills with Gina, too.
G.G. is demanding a retraction from the mag, and adamantly denies ever getting cozy with Clinton, who's saying nothing romantic ever occurred, as well. And what’s worse, VF, which employs a virtual sea of persnickety, humorless fact checkers who rarely eat lunch apparently, did not call for comment. Jeez. When I ran that bit about every dinner party this side of the Hudson chit-chatting away that Lorraine Bracco was also creating potential love spots with the then-president of the United States, I not only called former Prez Clinton, I asked the former Sopranos chick herself.
“Absolutely ridiculous,” she shot (rather quickly, I thought at the time) right back. Clinton never returned the call.
Dude sure seems to like the brunettes, though, I’ll imply that much.
Brangelina might still be twin-free, but John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston are def alive and kicking. J & J are more puzzling a pairing than Paris and Benji, yet both couples, to our bewilderment (uh, not!), seem to be growing stronger with every photo op. Showing off her young-man sausage, J.A. was seen hanging out at Courteney Cox's Malibu pad with John-hon. ‘Course. C.C.’s been Jen’s bestie since their sitcom days, and you know your new b-f doesn’t stand a chance unless your BFF approves. I bet Mayer-babe’s got his fingers crossed that Court-hon gives the thumbs-up and seals the deal on this relaysh, since he finally found himself a real woman and not some silly, air-headed starlet. J. Ani’s chums include the ravishing C2 and her hubs, David Arquette, a dude who prolly shares a similar sense of humor with J.M. Who the hell did he hang with when he was Simpsonizing himself all of 2007? Ashlee and Ken Paves? No wonder fella flew the coop, there’s only so much conversation you can have about your coif before ya start to crave something meatier. And there’s nothing fancier than having your g-f’s friend be an actual Friend, no?
And now a word about Jake Gyllenhaal, eternal boyish wonder, and Reese Witherspoon, Jen’s ol’ Friends sis. Cannot tell you how many folks have contacted, written, phoned, chased me down at screenings, Gelson’s, parties, just to find out what the ef’s up with these two. I’ve said it before, I’ll blab it again: nothing. Nothing save brilliance, mind you. I mean, Clooney , the hardest dude to nab in H'wood, could learn from this dude Gyllenhaal.
“They’re very, very good friends,” remarked a Githerspoon source who knows the two beauties well. “They’re helping each other out right now through some rough spots, that’s it.”
Jeez, what could be rougher than being young and gorgeous, unattached and gifted with stunning hair? What do these two have to complain about? OK, well Reese’s failed marriage with Ryan, for starters. And then, I suppose, if you were truly desperate, you could add Rendition to Jakey’s problematic past. But that’s really stretching it. My hunch? They’re supergood BFFs who don’t mind in the least when every People photog worth his or her anal-probe camera happens to hunt them down at myriad coffee clutches and Beverly Hills mansions. They’ll ride this one as long as they see fit. The gushing, hyperventilating press only makes them both more viable, far more than on their own.
Remember, Reese didn’t get that Oscar for nuthin’.
Dakota Fanning shouldn’t be too upset that she hasn’t scored an Oscar nom yet—gold trophies at the beginning of your life don't necessarily mean smooth sailing for the rest of it. Just look at some notable former child actresses who’d probably hand over their statues in return for less stress. Jodie Foster, who was nominated for Taxi Driver at the tender age of 14, isn’t exactly having the best spring after splitting with her longtime companion, Cydney. And now Tatum O'Neal, the youngest person to ever nab a little gold man at the ripe ol' age of 10, was caught buying crack on a New York City street from a homeless man. T.O., who's struggled with drug addictions for most of her life, didn’t even own up to her unfortunate slip. Nope, at first she claimed the drug deal was research for a movie role. And I guess that crack pipe in your possession was just a prop, Tate-babe?
This is barely the worst of all-time celeb excuses. Here’s a selection of just a few stars head-deep in denial:
Lindsay Lohan
Amoral Act: Getting caught with cocaine during a high-speed chase in Santa Monica.
Awful Excuse: “These aren’t my pants” and “the black kid was driving” aren’t fooling anyone, Linds, especially not the cops who pulled you over. We gotta give the gal some points for effort—she clearly will stop at nothing to still seem like a good role model for her younger fans, what’s left of 'em anyway. Besides, ya know, stop doing drugs.
Amy Winehouse
Amoral Act: Her voice and appearance beyond all recognition, A.W. barely got through a recent performance at the Rock in Rio music fest. Wino’s warbling and dizzy stage dancing was something you’d find on the first few audition episodes of American Idol. Or Celebrity Rehab.
Awful Excuse: Claimed her publicist: "Amy was overwhelmed by the goodwill shown by the audience in Lisbon and even apologised for her below-par vocals on stage, after suffering from a sore throat all week.” Last time I checked, sore throats don’t result in scars all over your face and arms.
John Stamos
Amoral Act: Acting extremely intoxicated while being interviewed by Australian TV host. Twice.
Awful Excuse: He was jetlagged from the long flight, said his publicist. Yeah, and Paula Abdul is just goofy by nature.
Eddie Murphy
Amoral Act: Picking up a transsexual hooker on the streets of West Hollywood.
Awful Excuse: Said Murphy: “I’m just being a nice guy...I was being a good Samaritan. It’s not the first hooker I’ve helped out. I’ve seen hookers on corners...and I’ll empty my wallet out to help." Help what, exactly? Your libido?
Britney Spears
Amoral Act: Driving with baby Sean Preston in her lap.
Awful Excuse: “We’re country.” Do they not sell child seats in the South?
Seriously, if these celebs think these laugh riots are gonna get them a pass on bad press, they need better spin doctors, 'cause these defensive declarations aren’t doin’ squat. Or not? Listen up, Shia LaBeouf, we're sure that if ya ever get busted smoking in Burbank again, just tell the cops you’re suffering from a bad-hair day and needed to blow some steam, sign a few autographs, and you’ll be free to go.
Saturday morning cartoons are a tried-and-true tradition, but Sunday’s the day to sleep in for all us non-church-going types. Still, we substituted a few z’s in favor of catching the Kung Fu Panda premiere at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre way too early on a Sunday morn. All of Hollywood Boulevard was shut down, with actors in panda suits running amok, tons of tots carrying panda plush toys and a giant Thanksgiving Day-parade-size panda balloon hovering over the H’wood happenings. We’d make a joke that it was utter “pandemonium,” but jokes are typically funny.
“Good, I feel good. It’s my name up on the poster!” exclaimed Jack Black, who voiced the titular animal of the animated pic. “It’s all me, except I am not a panda. But besides that, it’s pretty much me.” Black-babe, always the entertainer, got up onstage with Gnarls Barkley’s Cee-Lo Green to rock out a sultry version of “Kung Fu Fighting.” Is it just us, or do the two rotund, often ridiculous rockers kinda resemble each other, in an “Ebony and Ivory” kind of way?
Jackie B. is one lucky guy lately: Not only did he recently become a second-time dad (bouncing-boy Jack was born last week), but the dude got to work with Angelina Jolie. Sorta. “Her voice is pretty awesome. She has a buttery creamy texture to it.” Is that all you want to share about Angie? This is the man who sure said a mouthful while in Cannes, dropping the twin news everyone knew anyway. “I spilled some beans. She’s pregnant with triplet pandas.” Bet that would inspire a higher bidding war for exclusive pics than two normal infants. Even we’d plunk down at least $30 mil for a photo of that.
More John Mayer! Sorry! Just love this guy’s ballsy humps! True, J.M.’s got a crush, folks, and he’s written a totally touching tribute to a new, wonderful person in his life. That’s right, May-babe’s affections are flying for Fall Out Boy’s Pete Wentz. Did you think J-babe was gonna publicly pronounce his love for Jen Aniston? We certainly didn’t, and frankly, neither should she.
Petey and J.M. are connected in way too many ways: They collaborated together on FOB’s cover of “Beat It,” and their ties to the Simpson sisters need no explanation. Plus, both music men blog like they don’t have day jobs, mostly about one another. Wentzy’s admitted via his bevy of blogs (seriously, guy’s laptop must spend more time in his lap than Ashlee) that he has a “musical man-crush for John” and that “Van Halen would high-five us for calling our friend John Mayer to play the solo” on their up-tempo take of the Michael Jackson song. The brazen bassist even told MTV that when deciding who should guest on the tune, “We were trying to think about who is a contemporary guitar guy who's going to go down as a legend." Aw shucks, Pete, our cheeks are blushing on behalf of Johnny M.
And now May-hon has written his own love letter declaring Wentzikins as, “One of the best eggs in the music industry, hands down. With as much talent as you have, I’d expect you’d have some eccentric ego, but from what I can tell you seem to have none.” So much bro bonding going on through the Internets. Usually celeb blogs are used to trash talk other people—think Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler's immature MySpace mumblings posted constantly during their separation. What we’re really surprised by is that somebody with good intentions—and correct grammar usage—knows how to blog.