Moanin' Over Mailbag

We've got a bona fide workout guaranteed to give ya the giggles (no, it ain't those more-popular-
than-Pilates Kegel exercises), and we also dish on the duds worn by a handsome T-town hustler who just classed up his act on the Great White Way. Plus, you guys seriously musta missed your Pissed List as much as you've been craving some Casablanca, 'cause it shows in some of your vivid letters! Becky's a tough cookie—she can take your critiques as much as she can tackle your unending queries. Let's take a look-see inside this week's mailbag, shall we?

Dear Becky:
I think you are doing a fab job of holding down the Awful Truth while Ted is loving it up with his new hubby. I have a question that can’t wait until he gets back because they will probably be over by then, but what is up with Jen and John? How many times can Jen’s publicist insist her client wants privacy, and how many times can John blog about the lack of privacy from being a celeb—and then they are sure to be photographed together?
  Paige
  Glassboro, N.J.

Dear I’m With You:
I don’t buy this Ef-Hell-Ay frolicking as “love” for one second. It comes off as a major booty call for people who can afford transcontinental flights.

Dear Becky:
Just wanted to let you know I am loving your writing on the Awful Truth while filling in for Ted. Ted's are intimidating shoes to fill, but you are doing a wonderful job so far! Keep it up, and please steer the gossip and Blind Vices away from lame, reality-show pseudo celebs (The Hills). And give my congrats to Ted, of course!
  Michelle
  Los Angeles

Dear Hills Hater:
I try and stay as far away from The Hills as possible, which is, sadly, almost impossible while working in gossip. It’s also difficult as I live right near the actual Hollywood Hills, where random run-ins with Speidi & Co. can actually happen.

Dear Becky:
You ignorant bitch! How very rude of you to make a comment about Bruce's daughters' foreheads! You must have been picked on a lot in school. I guess everyone can't be as beautiful as you apparently think you are. This isn't high school, and your rude mouth will bring the utmost deserved karma back on you! Those girl(s) have feelings, or don't you care, sh-thole! I hope Demi kicks your ass!
  Anonymous
  Anonymous Land, USA

Dear Obviously a Friend of Rumer's:
I hope Mrs. Kutcher does kick my ass! That would be an amazing story: “See this scar here? Demi Moore gave me that scar!” It’s a lot more fun than the emotional scars I have from being made fun of back in elementary school, fer sure.

Dear Becky:
As Ted isn't giving us so much as a bone lately, what do you know about Toothy? Anything?
  Kyle

Dear Smiley Secret:
I know enough not to give away his identity while Ted’s gone.

Dear Becky:
I saw a picture of Tilda Swinton at the Costume Institute Gala. She was there with a man/woman? I'm pretty sure it wasn't her husband. What's going on in her love life recently?
  Amanda

Dear Tilda’s Plus One:
Definitely wasn’t her hubby, John Byrne, who's several years her senior, and it wasn’t her boy-toy, Sandro Kopp, whom she’s been bangin’—with Byrne’s blessing. The made-up man on her arm all night was Justin Bond, an iconic gay-friendly performer in New Yawk who often dresses in drag as his queer character, Kiki. T.S. sure keeps some strange company. How do we get invited to a dinner party at her place?

Dear Becky:
You must do an exposé on the actor inside the Jack in the Box head! Who is he? What are his physical stats? ‘Cause his hands are huge (you know what they say...), and he looks to be really tall and...big. If I get an answer to this, I’ll wish my life insurance policy was current, ‘cause I’ll just drop dead on the spot.
  Kenn

Dear Take a Deep Breath:
'Cause you’re still alive and kickin’. I’m a Wendy’s girl, myself, sorry.

Dear Becky:
Do you have any photos from Ted's wedding? Would love to see some from the happy event! Please post one or two... 
  Natalia
  San Francisco

Dear Say Cheese:
No photos of the happy pair yet, sorry to say—don’t wanna bother the dude while he’s honeymooning. I’m sure a tanned Teddy will be all too pleased to share when he returns.

Dear Becky:
I saw at the grocery store checkout a magazine that claimed Brad and Angelina got married.  True or false?

Dear Traitor:
You get your celeb scoops somewhere other than the AT? Shenanigans! Seriously tho, Brangie has stated in the past that they’ll get hitched when every last homo has the same marital rights they do. A wedding would be a bad PR move for the pair, who never seem to make a misstep in regard to their do-goodisms, gag.

Curious? Confused? Missing Casablanca?
Got a burning Q you desperately need put out and can't wait for Ted to get back? Don't stop, drop and roll, email Becky and she'll do her best to answer all your angry letters and quippy comments.