Read It and Reap

Who's Hayden Panettiere's It girl competition? We've got it! Plus, Scarlett Johansson shocks, for a sec, and Johnathon Schaech so doesn't know how to strut (like he used to). Ready to weep as much as Ryan Cabrera? What the ef’s up with some celebs falling apart after their more-famous other halves ditch them? Ryan, to the right? We don't really need to say a damn thing more. But remember Johnathon Schaech? You don’t? Used to be hottie-hon Christina Applegate’s guy. Now, you know him, we’re sure. So, there’s an awfully loyal fan o’ the Awful Truth. Friend’s a total delectable, dark-haired hottie. She hooked up with Schaech in New Yawk not long ago—‘twas fun, nobody’s lyin’ ‘bout that. The duo also used to hang in Hell-Ay a while back. But for some reason, Desk Schaech decided against another round with the hairy good-lookin’ dude. But like all good decisions, that went out the back door, as it were:

“Originally, I had no intention of ever talking to Schaech again,” offered our looker pal. “But he's hot and good in the sack,” reasoned the fox. And folks say guys are shallow! Love!

So, indeed, the once-split twosome met up at the W Hotel, where J.S. was staying recently—probably to promote Prom Night. After a few cozy cocktails, they started pulling a Britney-and-Madonna-style lip-lock in the lobby. A few hours later, the flip-flop femme headed up to Jonathan’s room. But...according to the damsel in tonsil distress, Mr. S kept talking about himself and his movie—like, total bed-romp buzz kill, especially considering it’s a damn horror flick. "If you wanna keep talking about your movie...why don't we role play?,” verbally bitch-slapped the buxom babe. “I'll be Brittany Snow, and you can be the bad guy..." Schaech got really peeved and declined. The gal who actually likes a little lovin’ with her lothario orders, not just big puss talk, told J.S. he was an “angry, bitter old man,” and she split.

Is that what Johnny-babe did with Applegate? Did he keep going on about Roadhouse 2 or somethin’?

Back at the Young Hollywood Awards, care of Hollywood Life mag (which clearly can come up with any excuse to get a bunch of attractive actors together in a room), we talked to pro skateboarder Tony Hawk. No offense to Tones, but can’t help but notice he isn't really part of  T-town. He wasn’t accepting an award, and well, the 39-year-old isn't exactly young, though he begged to differ: “Having three boys and being a skateboarder for a living,” keeps him spry, he said. “It’s kind of the Peter Pan scenario.” Warning: Michael Jackson had the same thing going on. Also walkin’ the red carpet was Paul Haggis, the writer-director who continually depresses us with flicks like Crash and Million Dollar Baby. Lighten up, dude—go see Baby Mama or something. It might help relieve some stress from being so serious all the time. He’s a pro at getting the solemn stuff solid, but is it challenging writing for younger actors? “I’m always terrified of young actors...and then you’ll pass someone, and they’ll just blow you away, every single time.” We hear that’s how Jesse Metcalfe got his part on Desperate Housewives. So who’s the world’s forthcoming hot, young It girl—or guy? Who’s gonna give Hayden Panettiere and pals a run for their money, Paulie? “I don’t think you know who the next big thing is. I certainly don’t.” Good thing you’re not a casting director, Hags, 'cause look around ya, they’re all over the damn place. Every celeb and date in the place seemed to want to get a sec with Anna Faris, in a boob-tastic black number, who’s just as gorgeous giggling or gorging on hors d’oeuvres. We’re big fans of this fab femme who’s played everything from a stoner in indie pic Smiley Face to Neve Campbell's doppelgänger in the Scary Movie franchise. We caught her chatting up her House Bunny costar Emma Stone by the bar...ya know, the vivacious redhead who got punched by Jonah Hill in Superbad. Hopefully that won’t remain Em’s claim to fame for long, otherwise she def needs a better agent. Heroes hottie Thomas Dekker, who also donned the John Conner role in the blink-and-ya-missed-it Terminator TV show, stood patiently on the sidelines with a bunch of other Anna fans, waiting his turn to flail his adoration on her. See. Even celebs get star struck sometimes; we’re just surprised other people on the planet aren't head-over-Manolos for this funnygal—a less obvious choice for admiration than say, Brittany Snow, who jumped from group to group like a pro party bopper. Hope you’re readin’ this, Mr. Haggis, 'cause there’s no doubt Faris-babe is the next über thang if you’re lookin’ for a breath of fresh, sassy air in your next depress-o-rama drama. Avril Lavigne, punk high priestess, at Tabu Ultra Lounge...Vegas, baby. The never politically correct cutie arrived at the MGM club around 1 ayem. Had with her a vodka-guzzling entourage—Grey Goose, I think it was. Who the hell did they think they were, Chelsea Handler, or somethin’? Lavigne and her girl chums gyrated well into the morning. Songs by Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake, in particular, seemed to make the baddie girlie posse gyrate extra-giggly, wonder why? Lettin’ it shake, too, was gay stud... Wilson Cruz, back Hell-Ay at the Santa Palm Car Wash, in WeHo. Mr. C donned a tight, Simon-esque tee while he was sittin’ supreme, legs spread, as his wheels were buffed ‘n’ shined, just like him. Less polished, rawer (like this is a surprise) was budding songbird... Scarlett Johansson visiting the b-f, Ryan Reynolds, on the Massachusetts set of his latest pic, The Proposal. A most important production member on Proposal (which looks to be Sandra Bullock’s latest kooky misfire—it’s about a bossy boss who makes her employee marry her—but who the ef knows these days?) was simply floored to meet the onetime honey to Josh Hartnett. So when the location insider saw S.J. stroll on up to coo over the onetime b-f to Alanis Morisette, he trembled, he hemmed, he hawed. But it wasn’t due to the worker bee’s idolatry issues with the New Yawk talent, it was because he could have sworn he saw a big ol’ booger comin’ out of the curvy babe’s cute li'l nose! Turned out to a false schnoz alarm, as it was just Ms. J’s nose piercing, doesn’t every multitalented wannabe have one? Oh, and at the GLAAD Media Awards at the Kodak, there were no surprises in store when Ellen DeGeneres walked out to introduce honoree Janet Jackson and scored the highest rating on the applause-o-meter all night. (Guess a little Iggygate can’t hurt ya in the long run.) Janny-Jack def had a huge fan in the crowd: none other than fellow honoree of the night, the fabulous and folksy Rufus Wainwright. “I’m really excited to meet Janet Jackson,” he told us. “So I can show her my penis.” Please, Rufes, by all means, you don’t have to wait for J2 to arrive to give us the goods—tho we suspect Jorn Weisbrodt, your darling b-f on your arm all night, wouldn’t dare share, even with a queer queen like Janet. We wanna know, Wain-babe, how’s it feel to have your sexuality so rebel out there? “I tend to look at it more as a great asset and a privilege,” Rufie replied. “It helped define who I am as an artist. There’s been a lot of sacrifices as well, but in the end it proved to do me good.” Well, duh. You’re being feted by every fagola in T-town, darling. Now you really know how Judy Garland must’ve felt each and every day. We couldn’t help but wish Judy Judy Judy was still around and kickin’ (in fishnets, no doubt) when the out-of-place Joss Stone performed during the show. Tho the British babe (singin’ barefoot—how absolutely rustic) sure can belt, we had to scratch our collective noggins: You have both Janet Jackson and Rufus Wainwright in the house, two musicians so talented you decided to praise the ef outta them all evening long, and you hand over the mic to a 21-year-old novice? Shoulda just dimmed the lights and thrown on some Donna Summer to keep the queens in the audience entertained.