The Bachelor season 18 doesn't premiere until Jan. 6, but it's already our favorite season of ABC's hit franchise ever.
Why? Because Juan Pablo Galavis' crop of ladies seems particularly crazy this year.
Come on, name another season that featured a contestant who listed her profession as "dog lover." (Sweetie, that's not how you spell unemployed!) Oh, and another one who is a full-time free spirit. (Making flower crowns is super time-consuming apparently.) But where does season 18 rank when it comes to percentage of hopefuls named Lauren? And who do we think has the best chance at winning the handsome single father's heart based on our scientific calculations (or, you know, her name, occupation and age)?
We're making our early predictions on the front-runners and the nine ladies who will be sent home in the premiere. So grab your scorecards and cue up the dramatic music!
Taking into account that Juan has a 4-year-old daughter, Camila, we're going to give a slight edge to Alli, a 26-year-old nanny, Ashley, the Dallas grade school teacher, and Elise, who one-ups Ashley by being a first grade teacher. It's a cutthroat educational system out there, people!
But Juan Pablo was also a professional soccer player, meaning he could go for a woman like Valerie, who is a personal trainer from California. Amy J., 31, could also have an edge in this department as she's a massage therapist, which could be a bonus for Juan Pablo should he have any lingering injuries.
And you can't rule out the season's sole foreigner, Sharleen, an opera singer from Germany, who could bond with the 32-year-old Venezuelan over their cute accents.
Of course, not everyone can get a rose, and we're thinking these nine ladies will be the first to go in the premiere, which will bring the total number of ladies down to 18 from 27: Maggie (personal banker), Victoria (legal assistant), Kat (a 29-year-old medical sales rep, which is like 80 years-old in Bachelor years), Chantel (account manager, how very specific of her!), Clare (hairstylist, who is 32, same age as Juan Pablo), Cassandra (21-year-old NBA dancer, which is a little too young according to our calculations), who we also predict will be the one to get hammered on the first night, Alexis (a communications director), Lacy (a nursing home owner and, ew, old people!) and Amy. L (a local news reporter). Sorry ladies, it's not us, it's you.
Oh, and final Lauren count: Two! There are also two Amys, so the Laurens better watch their backs this year.
Here is the full list of contestants, whose names you'll forget as soon as they are sent away from Juan Pablo's rented mansion:
Alexis, 24, communications director, Tampa
Alli, 26, nanny, Chicago
Amy J., 31, massage therapist, Los Angeles
Amy L., 27, local news reporter, Orlando
Andi, 26, federal prosecutor, Atlanta
Ashley, 25, grade school teacher, Dallas
Cassandra, 21, former NBA dancer, Rochester Hills, Mich.
Chantel, 27, account manager, San Diego
Chelsie, 24, science educator, Columbus, Ohio
Christine, 23, police support specialist, Miami
Christy, 24, marketing manager, Chicago
Clare, 32, hairstylist, Sacramento
Danielle, 25, psychiatric nurse, St. Louis
Elise, 27, first grade teacher, Forty Fort, Pa.
Kat, 29, medical sales rep, Scottsdale, Ariz.
Kelly, 27, dog lover, Atlanta
Kylie, 23, interior designer, Rockford, Ill.
Lacy, 25, nursing home owner, La Jolla, Calif.
Lauren H., 25, mineral coordinator, Oklahoma City
Lauren S., 26, music composer, Austin, Texas
Lucy, 24, free spirit, Santa Barbara, Calif.
Maggie, 24, personal banker, North Augusta, S.C.
Nikki, 26, pediatric nurse, Kansas City, Mo.
Renee, 32, real estate agent, Sarasota, Fla.
Sharleen, 29, opera singer, Heidelberg, Germany
Valerie, 26, personal trainer, Sutter, Calif.
Victoria, 24, legal assistant, Boca Raton, Fla.
The Bachelor season 18 premieres Monday, Jan. 6 at 8 p.m. on ABC.