Max Factor UK"I am overwhelmed and a disaster," Gwyneth Paltrow bemoans at the beginning of this year's GOOP holiday gift guide. Here, she is referring to the fact that she's not on top of her Christmas game this year.
Still, she has compiled a list of her favorite things and has "included some old favorites and some new finds, all of which will make Father Christmas proud."
Looking at some of these prices, they would make Father Christmas pretty damn poor.
How much would it cost to buy the entirety of Gwyneth's GOOP gift guide? We did the math.
[Editor's note: The items listed below are in the style and quantity pictured on the actual gift guide. We excluded items curated by an expert or "Kids Choice" and subscription service gifts.]
Jennifer Creel 14K yellow, pink or white gold chain with three (3) customized name charms ("a great gift for mom"): $3,150.00
Jan Eleni print of children's artwork ("looks like a Damian Hirst from a distance"): $950.00
LL Bean tote bag with monogram: $46.95
Rust Designs "Birch tree" dishes set including one (1) personalized platter, one (1) birch plate, one (1) serving bowl and a set of four (4) mugs: $307.00
Mapkins set of four (4) customized "Candymap" napkins: $79.00
Bespoke Home monogrammed linens set (4 dinner napkins, 4 ivory dinner napkins, 4 cocktail napkins, 4 ivory cocktail napkins, 2 mis-matched tea towels, 4 fog dinner napkins, 2 hemstitched guest towels, 2 hemstitched guest towels in white, all to "take your dinner party up a notch"): $1,209.00
Laura Gravestcock personalized jewelry including one (1) name ring, one (1) gold plated silver name necklace and one (1) sterling silver name necklace: $336.85
One roll of Barneby Gates Bespoke "Typecast" wallpaper: $241.00
Claire Vivier personalized suede, fold-over clutch: $260.00
DODO cases for the iPhone 5S and iPad: $114.90
One (1) signed copy of My Father's Daughter: $55.00
One (1) signed copy of It's All Good: $55.00
Hillier "paperclip" jewelry including one (1) 18-carat yellow gold bumblee bee, one (1) 18-carat yellow gold "L" with white diamond and one (1) sterling silver "G" with blue topaz: $3,763.00
Olivia Von Halle "Coco Royal Blue" silk PJs monogrammed with three (3) letters: $1,093.50
Two (2) pieces of personalized stationary and envelopes from Paperless Post: $9.00
Seletti ‘Vegaz' letter lights: $512.00
Bespoke Global "old school" leather football: $130
Debossed Sloane Stationery leather notebook: $232.00
EenyMeeny Kids CMYK print: $55.50
Two (2) Sarah Chloe monogrammable gold plated circle diamond elle bangles: $752.00
Two (2) Sarah Chloe monogrammable silver circle diamond elle bangles: $742.00
Modern House Wines, including one (1) bottle "Here's to You," one (1) bottle "With Love" and one (1) bottle "Expensive": $39.00
Clare Vivier blue herringbone duffle ("a cute and practical personalized gift"): $485.00
Jayson Home brass colored pencil set: $75.00
Rok hand cranked espresso machine ("cool for a dude"): $172.00
Mini JAMBOX speaker: $179.99
Modern Manners by Liv Tyler and Dorothea Johnson: $13.23
Portraits de Ville travel notebooks: $121.00
Malle W. Trousseau 43-piece kitchen culinary set: $5,800.00
Tom Dixon brass tea set: $830.00
Otis Batterbee wash bag and man clutch: $273.00
Fuji Instax Mini 90 instant camera: $176.00
Reed Wilson design doormat ("some humor at the door"): $50.00
Three (3) Glassybaby votives: $44 + $44 + $44
Klein collection by Etnia Yves Klein blue sunnies: $268.00
Penguin "Threads" Classics soft cover classics with ‘embroidered' embossing: $16.00
Two (2) Anthropologie animal heads, a zebra and a rhinoceros: $136.00
Set of four (4) Rikke Hagen for Normann Copenhagen self-rolling cognac glasses: $100.00
One (1) deck of Hermes playing cards: $105.00
TOTAL: $23,066.92
And that's not including shipping. Hope you got that Iron Man money!