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Starbucks Drake Hands selfie guy

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Because these days nobody is content to just bow out gracefully after their 15 seconds of fame are up...

Brody Ryan, the (maybe?) barista who inspired the Instagram meme #StarbucksDrakeHands (in which people take video selfies while stroking their face seductively), has released a rap entitled "15 Seconds of Fame." 

The song is meant to "address & close the door on the #StarbucksDrakeHands saga." But Brody Ryan doesn't seem to realize that most people only care about him because of #DrakeHands. It might be best for him to keep that door wide open. Listen below!

"The whole world's mocking me," Brody, who allegedly opened for Mike Posner and Big Sean, says at the beginning of the song. "But she knows damn well we ain't never had no coffee." 

In an interview with Right This Minute, Brody once again argued his side of the story, claiming he met Piper Kennedy (the recipient of the video) on Tinder, the two exchanged numbers and texts and "Long story short, I sent her the video. We never even spoke on the phone until this went viral." 

He claims that Piper tried to get him to go along with her side of the story (that he asked her for her number at Starbucks, then sent her the selfie unprovoked), but he wouldn't, on the grounds of, "I'm going to always speak the truth."

Really, at this point, who knows? Who cares?

If we're going to "always speak the truth," here is a truth worth noting: The song is not good. Though we will give credit where credit is due, calling Piper a "ratchet ass Topanga" is funny (and mean) because she does look like Danielle Fishel.

Another truth bomb: Brody launches his rap with a question, asking, "Who would have thought the man with the Starbucks hands would land a hundred grand in fans?" Not to fact check you, Brodes, but you have 2,000 Instagram fans (and less on Twitter). 100k that does not make.

At this point, rapping about being ignored on Tinder, becoming a meme and how nobody knows the real story is probably more pathetic than the original #StarbucksDrakeHands selfie ever was.

Oh well, here's a (NSFW) Instagram of #StarbucksDrakeHands spoofing #StarbucksDrakeHands and doing gross things to a blueberry muffin. But hey, he wants to close the door on this chapter of his life, guys.