Frank Ockenfels/FXTears have been shed. Ice cream has been consumed. Angry tweets to Ryan Murphy have been composed.
American Horror Story: Coven is one cruel mistress. Sure, Murphy and Brad Falchuk reeled us in with the promise of badass witches doing badass things and having fun while doing so, the FX witch drama cursed us (and the entire TV world) by killing off one of the fall season's best new characters: Emma Roberts' Madison Montgomery, a hard-partying Hollywood starlet who liked to indulge in magic, booze and men. Thinking Madison was her usurper, Fiona (Jessica Lange) slit Madison's throat at the end of episode three, only to learn in last night's episode there was no way the teen witch was the covens next Supreme (due to a heart murmur). Oops!
But over a week later, we're still not over mean girl Madison's death. Seriously, can someone book us a trip to the bayou to get Misty Day (Lily Rabe) to resurrect Madison and save her from Spalding's (Denis O'Hare) super creepy doll tea parties? To help back up our case for why Madison needs to be resurrected ASAP, we've compiled a list of 13 reasons she's the show's most badass witch (aside from Fiona, of course)...
1. Because she lives in the moment: "I mean why wait for some phony happily-ever-after when you can have your piece now, I say." This is totally listed as our new religious views and political views on Facebook.
2. Because she's the life of the party:
3. Because she speaks the truth: "It's too hot. My freakin' vagina is sweating." Hey, they are all thinking it; she just said it.
4. Because she's knows she's the s--t and owns it:
5. Because she was the Coven's Regine George: "Madison Montgomery is a stone cold bitch who likes hard drinking, big dicks, and trouble. If she's dead it's probably because she got wasted and didn't offer the Grim Reaper a hand job or something." This is seriously how Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe) described our girl.
6. Because she had the most powers: Out of the school's four students, Madison was clearly the fastest learner: Telekinesis, pyrokinesis and coercion were all already in her bag or tricks. Plus, she actually enjoyed being a witch, which was an absolute delight to watch. (No sob story here!)
7. Because she said this:
8. Because there's no other witch we'd rather get bottomless mimosas with at brunch on Sundays:
9. Because she said this when asked what she was expecting to get in that dress: We love a girl who isn't afraid of her sexuality.
10. Because she can rock a tight Herve Leger dress like nobody else: Werk it, witch!
11. Because she isn't afraid of the dark side: A spell requires you to give our soul over to devil? No problem for Madison! (We'd totally be down to be sister-wives for Satan with her is what we're actually saying, people.)
12. Because she can totally admit it when she's wrong:
13. Because she was our generation's Fiona Goode: Rest in peace, you sassy, bitchy goddess, you. You were too epic for our world. Here's a toast to you!
American Horror Story: Coven airs Wednesday at 10 p.m. on FX.