"YOU get a creepy doll! And YOU get an elk antler chandelier! And YOU get a marble pedestal! EVERYONE GETS SOME OF OPRAH'S OLD SH-------------------T!" Oprah Winfrey will shout while emceeing the auction of hundreds of her personal items.
(Disclaimer: Ain't no way Oprah is actually emceeing her own auction.)
The auction is "The Oprah Winfrey Collection" and will be held on Nov. 2 at the Santa Barbara Polo and Racquet Club (because of course). All proceeds from the sales will benefit the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy Foundation College Fund.
The auction site explains that the personal effects come from her residences in Indiana, Hawaii, Chicago and Santa Barbara, and the lot includes the above, as well as endless amounts of furniture, a portrait of Harriet Tubman and much, much more.
We browsed through all 29 pages of auction items (twenty nine pages?! Oprah is not living her best life with that many material possessions!) and found everything we would like to bid on.
Basically, Oprah's weirdest stuff.
This Enlarged Portrait of Oprah Winfrey
This framed portrait is 68" x 49" and is estimated to cost between $200 and $400. It would look lovely literally anywhere in our home. Possibly above our bed so that it is the first and last thing we see every day.
One of five Vespas for sale, this Jetson electric bike is bright magenta and autographed by Oprah. It's estimated to sell for between $1,000 and $2,000, but we are willing to pay double if it is confirmed that Oprah has actually ridden it.
These Library Steps
These antique pine steps are estimated to sell for between $1,000 and $2,000. Consider this more of a "vision board" buy—we are putting it out into the world that someday we'd like a home library too. Until then, we will use them to reach the top of our O Magazine stack.
These Ceramic Lion Statues
The lot is described as a "pair of English Staffordshire lions with gilt details." Don't know about that, they look more like monster clowns, and don't know why Oprah ever owned them. Don't know why we want them either, but for $300-$500, we do.
This Oil Painting of Oprah
This is a portrait of Oprah covered in cocker spaniels or Angela Bassett possessed by a demon (art is open to interpretation). It comes with an additional portrait, a charcoal glamour shot, all for $250-$350.
This Buffalo Etching
Oprah likes wolves (exhibit A: this lot includes an etching of a wolf). But Oprah loooooooves buffalo, apparently (exhibit "B" for BUFFFFAAALLLOOOO: the three additional etchings of buffalos in various states of repose that are also included). All of which is estimated to collect $400-$700.
This Painting of a (Dead?) Fish:
Well, we think it's dead. This lot of two chromolithographs also comes with an additional print of a fish that is very much alive. Both are framed and matted and a step up from your Bob the Big Mouth Bass. For $200-$400.
These Fossils of Prehistoric Sea Creatures:
For $300-$500. She also has stalagmites.