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American Horror Story: Coven: Witches and Bitches Lowdown!

AHS: Coven Michele K. Short/FX

Spoiler Alert: Do not read the following article if you've yet to watch American Horror Story's Oct.  16 episode "Boy Parts." Seriously, we mean it, there are spoilers are ahead! So no going down to the comments and complaining about us ruining your night. Sabbath rules!

Welcome to American Horror Story: Coven's second Sabbath, please check your broomsticks at the door and keep your black cats outside. (Don't worry, we're just getting the bad witch jokes out of our system early.) After last week's wicked good premiere, in which two main characters were killed and another was revealed to be chilling in a box underground for over a hundred years, the FX anthology hit's second outing "Boy Parts" had a lot to live up to. Fret not, Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk continued to provide us with a witchin' good time, giving us insight into the heated history between the Salem witches and the voodoo practitioners, as well as bringing Kyle (Evan Peters) back from the dead. (He's alive, he's alive!) Oh, and Fiona (Jessica Lange) finally came face-to-face with Marie Laveau (Angela Bassett) in a scene so good it will give you chills.

Let's break down "Boy Parts," witch-by-witch, shall we?

SCOOP: Your burning Coven questions answered!

The Elders

Fiona: After threatening her with a reburial and taunting her with fried chicken, Madame LaLaurie (Kathy Bates) reveals to our Supreme how she came to be immortal: Voodoo witch Marie Laveau not only damned her to eternal life buried underground, she also killed the twisted beyotch's husband and daughters, even "the ugly one." However, all of this is just an appetizer for the episode's main course: The first meeting (and showdown) of Fiona and Marie Laveau, which happens in the latter's Corn Row City hair salon, natch.

There was no need for formalities as Laveau already knew who Fiona was, saying she "could smell the stink" of witch on her. (Interesting that she doesn't consider herself a witch, no?) Thanks to the ladies' convo, we get some exposition on the history between the two kinds of witches. "Everything you got, you got from us," Laveau accuses, citing Tituba, the slave who was accused of teaching young girls witchcraft in Salem. "She couldn't tell a love potion from a recipe for chocolate chip cookies if she had to read it," Fiona retorts. Before Salem got the best of her, Laveau explains, Tituba learned necromancy from Shamans in her Arawak tribe, a gift the Salem witches exploited. With the exposition out of the way, Fiona gets down to business: She wants immortality from Laveau, who laughs and says, "The hammer wants the nail's magic." Of course, Fiona has an ace up her sleeve, or rather, a recently dug-up LaLaurie. But Marie has her own secret weapon: One of this season's big bads, the Minotaur, whom she tells, "We've got some business to attend to." Gulp.

The episode's final scene finds two women from two different time periods, one who wants immortal life, one who just wants to die already, coming together via a universal connector: family, their daughters specifically. We learn that Fiona feels she's been a disappointment to Cordelia (Sarah Paulson), while LaLaurie believes she loved her girls the best she could.

SCOOP: Ryan Murphy reveals who lives and who dies on Coven!

Cordelia: We meet Cordelia's husband Hank (Josh Hamilton) at a doctor's appointment, where we learn they have been trying to have a baby for over a year. Privy to the info that his wife is a witch, Hank encourages Cordelia to use her gift. Our headmistress is hesitant, saying, "This kind of magic, it's dark. It's about life and death." Alas, she eventually caves, leading to some super-kinky sex. We're talking chanting, blood, snakes hatching from eggs, etc.

Teen Witches

Zoe: After Madison (Emma Roberts) learned that Zoe used her killer vagina to kill her rapist, she wants to repay the favor by using a resurrection spell to bring Kyle back from the dead. The problem? He's not in one piece after the bus crash, leading Madison to pull the best parts from each frat guy to assemble the perfect boyfriend. Though they don't believe it worked at first, with Zoe giving Kyle one final kiss, FrankenKyle rises just as Zoe is found by a morgue walker and promptly kills him. He can't speak, he can barely control his body and his neck is looking hella rough, so yeah, Kyle's got one hell of a hangover.

AHS: Coven Michele K. Short/FX

Enter: Misty Day (Lily Rabe), who was burned at the stake in last week's premiere, but is revealed to be very much alive in tonight's opening scene in which she kills two hunters by bringing the alligators they hunted back to life. A coven-less Misty (who is looking very Free People-chic) brings Kyle and Zoe back to her cozy little shack in the woods, where she explains Zoe's energy drew her to the couple. Offering to house and heal Kyle, Misty feels an immediate connection with Zoe, sharing her love of white witch Stevie Nicks ("From American Idol?" a clueless Zoe asks) with her. So how is Misty alive? "Mother Nature has an answer for everything, including me," she says. Hmm...a witch who can't be killed? We know a Supreme who will definitely be interested in meeting Misty.

Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe): The episode's sole flashback? Detroit 2012, where we see Queenie, then a manager at a fast food restaurant, use her human voodoo doll power to hurt a disgruntled and rude customer by sticking her hand in burning hot oil. "I grew up on white girl shit, like Charmed and Sabrina the Teenage Cracker," she cracks, adding that she never believed African-Americans could be witches. Turns out, she's actually an heir to Tituba.

SCOOP: Could Coven potentially become an AHS spinoff?!

AHS: Coven Michele K. Short/FX

Witchiest Moment: It's a toss up between Cordelia's use of dark magic to put a bun in her oven (Is she going to end up producing the next spawn of Satan or something?! Hello, season one all over again!) and Zoe and Madison performing the resurrection spell, in which they offer their eternal devotion to the lord of the underground himself.

Bitchiest Moment: At the end of their showdown, Fiona says to Laveau, "Maybe in another century you can have two shithole salons." Ooh, Marie must be toast 'cause she just got burnt! But we do love how Laveau says the word "witch" like it's the lowest name a person can be called, firing it at Fiona like a weapon.

Most Wicked Line: "I'm Fiona Goode. I'm in charge everywhere." We're not worthy, we're not worthy! Another doozy courtesy of Fiona: "In this whole wicked world, the only thing you have to be afraid of is me."

Next Supreme Prediction: Given that Sidibe's name is not in the main title sequence, we're  cautiously going with Queenie, and we think Fiona will, too, as Murphy teased that she will kill the young witch she believes is her replacement Supreme. But she could be too obvious of a choice, so we're not counting out Zoe, whom Fiona calls the witch weak link in tonight's episode. It's always the quiet ones, right?

What did you think of Coven's second episode? Who do you think the next Supreme is? Sound off in the comments!

PHOTOS: American Horror Story: The craziest show on TV!

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