You may not know the name Patrice Wilson, but you know his work: He's the man who made Rebecca Black's "Friday" (Friiiiii-yah-day, gotta get down on Friday!). Since then, his company, PMW Live, "one of the best music management companies in Los Angeles," has attempted to strike viral gold twice.
So far, he hasn't.
But the latest in a string of pre-tweens "singing" overly-autotuned and under-written "songs" while sashaying around a low-budget music video may get some attention. Because it's offensive.
Disclaimer: The latest video, for Alison Gold's "Chinese Food," basically seems like trolling. So we're probably just giving Patrice exactly what he wants by talking about it. With that said...
Here is everything wrong with "Chinese Food":
1. The video starts with Alison Gold (Gold, Black, see a pattern here? We have a feeling this was intentional) singing, "After balling, I go clubbing!" We think. The song has a lot of autotune. But a 12-year-old (ish) singing about clubbing! Great!
2. Another lyrical sampling: "Then I'm hungry and I'm walking on the street and I'm getting, getting, getting grumpy (grumpy)."
3. The chorus: "I love Chinese food! You know that's it's true! I love fried rice, I love noodles, I love chow mein chow me-me-me-mein." (Bonus wrongness for trying to turn "chow mein" into a catchy hook.)
4. At one point, she just starts listing off items from a Chinese takeout menu.
5. Up until the point though, it's...whatever. Been there, done that. Then Alison Gold reads her fortune cookie and discovers that she'll find a new friend: A panda. Or, more (in)appropriately, a person in a panda suit.
The two frolic in a field together (LOL!) but then there's tickling.
Which is disconcerting only because...
6. The panda takes off its head and it's a grown ass man. It's Patrice.
And he's hanging out at a sleepover filled with little girls. Having a pillow fight. This has to be trolling, right? The comparisons to Pedobear are way too easy.
7. Oh, and he squinting his eyes and rapping in an "Asian" voice. Which just seems racist.
We knew Patrice isn't known for his subtlety, but...C'mon, man.