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    The Products of Jessica's Wisdom

    A lesson learned from Jessica Simpson: Sometimes it pays to be dumb.

    The bumbling blonde will soon lend her name and face to everything from perfume to postcards to...tuna?

    Signatures Network Inc., a celebrity merchandising and licensing company, announced Monday that it will launch an exclusive new program for the Newlyweds star, targeting the health, beauty and fashion categories, as well as certain other products that fall under "Just Jessica."

    "Jessica's natural beauty and success in both TV and music create endless possibilities for licensing and endorsements," said SNI CEO Dell Furano. "Newlyweds has both enormously elevated her visibility, and highlighted her own interest in beauty and fashion. Young women can really relate to her."

    Jessica's ditzy blunders and, shall we say, unique outlook on life apparently make her all the more appealing as a celebrity spokesperson.

    In fact, Furano said, after Jessica's now infamous Chicken of the Sea mix-up, not only has the San Diego-based company said it's open to the possibility of the bright-eyed beauty becoming the new face of tuna, but of-the-sea-competitors Bumblebee and Starkist have also thrown their hats in the Simpson-bidding ring.

    No word yet as to whether Jessica will actually sign a tuna endorsement; however, she did pay a recent visit to Chicken of the Sea headquarters, where she autographed cans of tuna for employees. She also wolfs down her fishy object of confusion in her new video "With You."

    More realistic are the "fan appreciation products" that Furano says will hit stores in the next two to three weeks; items such as T-shirts, postcards, calendars and posters--all bearing the toothy grin and flowing locks of the sweetest sinner.

    Jessica-inspired jewelry and cosmetics will follow, and SNI is reportedly in talks with a major fragrance company to develop an eau de Simpson, if you will. One question though--will they call it "Stinky Ass?"

    Other products may be endorsed jointly by Jessica and hubby Nick Lachey on the second season of their hugely successful MTV vessel, Newlyweds. Furano said SNI had been contacted by everyone from furniture companies to cell phone providers, all wanting the Ken-and-Barbie-esque duo to shill for their product.

    Then there's the "just Jessica" category--a line showcasing the celluloid singer's various witticisms in arenas such as greeting cards. One suggestion: "Happy 23rd Birthday. Twenty-three is old. It's almost 25, which is almost mid-twenties."

    There's also talk of compiling entire books of Jessica's bon mots. Obviously there's plenty of material to work with--and more is sure to follow when Newlyweds returns for its second 10-episode season early next year.

    "It's a very momentum building project," Furano said.

    Jessica's latest album In This Skin debuted at number 10 on Billboard's Top 200 chart just before her show premiered, but plummeted rapidly down the charts.

    However, popularity of the compulsively watchable Newlyweds only grew up to the season finale last Tuesday; by its close, the show was averaging 2.5 million viewers per week, and was number one in its timeslot with the coveted 18 to 34 demographic.

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