"Am I the Jake Gyllenhaal of this year?" S.C. asked, all Brokeback Mountain breathy. "I will go on record as saying that I am, indeed, that. Except I am not as good-looking and not as young and studly. I will wear that as a badge of honor for the rest of the night."
Indeed, Mr. Cee did—but just like Jakey-poo the year he was nominated, S.C.’s Little-movie-that-could ended up not winning in its nominated category, Best Pic.
Clearly the winner for Best Bump was Naomi Watts, who, despite what my possibly inebriated Desk Eff-Hell-Ay reported just yesterday, certainly appeared to be hiding something underneath that maternal Empire-waist job (the designer of which so sweetly issued a press release insinuating Watts is expecting, guess they won’t be designing Ms. W.’s trousseau, huh?) she was wearing at the Big Shoo Sunday. And when pressed on the carpet about whether or not she was, indeed, preggers, all Ms. W. would admit was, “I feel great.”
Such emotion, you maybe-mama! So, super-duper (maybe) congrats!
Less up for being out there, as it were (I mean in the damn movie, you silly E! legal eagles), was Victoria Beckham, who had a slight wardrobe malfunction at Elton John's AIDS Foundation Oscar viewing party Sunday night. Vic hit the carpet, sans hottie hubby David Beckham, in a white dress by Alaïa.
And evidently the former pop siren didn't want her headlights to be on, if you will, as they so often are when Posh is photographed in full perky-stuff fashion.
So, she wore petal-shaped pasties underneath her white dress. Only prob was that you could, like, totally see the nipple guards through her light-colored gown...at least in the lighting on the carpet.
"Why does Posh have flowers on her nipples?" asked one very confused (male) glitz-goer.
Hey, Becks-babe, you're in Hell-Ay now, so throw modesty to the polluted wind, already! Ta-ta slips are all the rage here. Next time, be sure to leave those grandma protective parts at home, and I promise you'll get even more press than you already possess, can you imagine?
The Jerry Maguire Oscar winner, in Stitch's jeans, a green tee and a black hat, was seen schmoozing a multitude of diff dames. The comely chicas actually thought he was single due to his amorous advances at the postparty held at Shutters in Santa Monica.
Cuba kissed random gals' cheeks he was introduced to, and got a little hand-happy.
Now, Cuba's been married since 1994, so what gives?
Maybe it was those myriad cocktails flowing at this bash by the beach, where winners Ryan Gosling and Alan Cumming were also celebrating their accolades. Be careful, boyfriend, or your wifey might get wind of your fondness fer the femmes.
Or does she know already?
Dear Private Eye:
Although P.P. is a dick, he is not that one. Think even schlongier, as it were.
Your idea for Justin Timberlake to call Britney Spears to try to help her is laughable! Justin is a punk, or rather, his handlers have made him a punk. They don't let him associate with anything negative, if you haven't noticed. He hung Janet Jackson out to dry. Prior to that, he hung Britney out in his teary-eyed phony baloney interview with Diane Sawyer (in which he and his mama blamed Brit for their breakup).
Lady J. Meow
Lisa O'Connor/ZUMA Press
Is Pansy Press Jeremy Piven? He always seems to be on something, and I could easily see him swinging both ways...
Hickory, North Carolina
Jerome Ware/ZUMA Press
Your column is my morning must-read. I end up late to work several mornings because I've just got to get my gossip before heading to that dreadful office. I've got to take a guess at the latest Blind Vice. Could Pansy Press be Joaquin Phoenix?
Wilmington, North Carolina