Welcome to the best season of Dancing With the Stars ever.
Unlike past seasons, where the best we could say is that it could always be worse, this season we're saying it couldn't get any better! Sure, if you're going to get technical, it could be better, if any big stars actually signed on to compete. Angelina Jolie, you wanna cha-cha?
But this season has working actors who are currently relevant. And that's close enough! Which brings us to our first, possibly most controversial point: Is Amber Riley the most "famous" star the show has had?
We're using star in the classical Hollywood sense of the word here. Someone with a bankable talent, who has (recently) worked in something (fairly) legit. Amber was a series regular on one of the most popular shows of the decade, Glee, for three seasons and was reoccurring for one more.
Sure, it's a slippery slop into obscurity when you're written off of Glee, but Amber's character, Mercedes, hasn't been, technically. She's returning for at least one more episode in the upcoming season, with the possibility of being in more left open. Plus, even if she were officially written off, her show was on within the past year. That's more than most other contestants who can say.
Anyway, it's something to think about.
As far as nonstar stars, the bread and butter of the DWTS world, Snooki is more relevant than most reality stars that have competed on the show. She has her own series on MTV and a handful of other moneymaking enterprises. She's someone we still talk about and not because she was the latest victim of a death hoax. Or because she died.
As for stars of the past and the general category of "miscellaneous" persons that DWTS curates, this season banks fairly newsworthy people: Valerie Harper will be one to watch and will surely make it past at least the first elimination, with America guaranteed to root for her in light of her recent battle with brain cancer (which is now close to being in remission).
And the biggest get of all: Bill Nye, the Science Guy!
Can you believe Bill Nye is going to be on Dancing With the Stars?!!!
Now, for some early predictions. Please...
First Eliminated: Bill Engvall. Though the comedian probably has quite a few fans in Middle America, we're expect that his dance moves (or lack there of) will lead him to an early demise.
Most Dramatic: Elizabeth Berkley. We're basically expecting a toned-down version of Showgirls. Look alive, FCC.
Biggest Surprise: Snooki. While she may be best known for grinding on guido gorilla juiceheads in the club, Snooki has a history in cheer and dance that we think will serve her well.
Winner: Bill Nye
What? We can dream, right?!
Real Top Three:
2. Keyshawn Johnson
Winner: Corbin Bleau
Pop star, football player, former Disney kid. It basically predicts itself.