Last night was the 2013 MTV VMAs. Then again, maybe it wasn't—if they throw a Video Music Awards and Britney Spears isn't in attendance, did a Video Music Awards ever really happen at all?
But stuff did happen. Awards were handed out. And we were left with more questions than we had going into it. Like...
2. Who did Taylor Swift want to "shut the f--k up"?
3. Why are people still wearing grillz?
4. What is Miley Cyrus trying to prove at this point?
5. Is Miley Cyrus physically incapable of keeping her tongue in her mouth?
Serious responses only. We're starting to get worried she should see a doctor.
6. If Miley really sings "Dancing with Miley" and not "Dancing with Molly," then why did MTV censor it?
Because she doesn't.
7. Who said Beetlejuice three times?
8. Is Liam Hemsworth watching this?
9. Will Will Smith and his family ever recover from Miley's performance?
Semi-related: This was Drake's reaction. This was Rihanna's reaction. And this was Taylor "Does Anyone Else See What's Going On Here? Seriously, Am I The Only One Seeing What's Happening on Stage?" Swift's reaction.
10. Who is this?
That sure as hell isn't Lil' Kim.
11. Speaking of, why did Iggy Azalea have to explain how award shows work to "Lil' Kim"?
You open the envelope and read off the winner. Here, just let me do it.
12. When did Jared Leto turn into Jesus?
Or Phil from America's Next Top Model, cycle 20.
13. Was this the least subtle moment in the history of history?
"I also want to thank the person who inspired this song, who knows exactly who he is, because now I got one of these!"
MTV cuts to:
Doesn't seem like it. Willow, he's some dude that wears a lot of fedoras.
15. Why did no one in *NSYNC wear a bedazzled head bandana?
Also, Justin should have popped them out of the ground like Beyoncé did with Michelle and Kelly.
16. How close did Taylor Swift get to combusting when 'N Sync reunited on stage?
We can actually answer this one: Very close.
17. Hey, what's a "Video Vanguard" anyway? Anyone know? Anyone care?
18. What happens to the other members of 'N Sync now?
What do we do with them until the next time J.T. wins an award?
19. Why did Kevin Hart keep coming on to recap what happened directly before he came on to recap it? We know. We were watching.
Also, poor Joey Fatone.
20. Did the MTV censors just give up halfway through the show?
21. What's the point of a Daft Punk reaction shot?
22. Did Katy Perry get her shorts from Guy Fieri?
Can she give them back?
Now the show is over. Oh look, MTV is playing it all over again...