Brace yourselves for what's to come, friends.
Tan Mom Patricia Krentcil has decided to continue her musical journey (sorry!) by releasing her sophomore single "Life of the Party" along with a music video—and it's bad. It's really bad.
However, you find yourself hypnotized by the WTF-quality of it that you cannot look away.
Right off the bat, Krentcil played a quick game of tonsil hockey with gay pop star Adam Barta and drag queen Skyla Versai, attempting to recreate the famous three-way smooch between Madonna, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera at the MTV Music Awards.
After promising to "rock your world," Tan Mom starts to rap about everything and anything, including how she enjoys dropping her top down "at the beach or on the town, Malibu to Jersey Shore, don't do anal, not a whore."
(Thank you, Krentcil, for that nugget of information.)
She then goes on to diss Farrah Abraham, talk about her adventures with Barta and her appearance on Howard Stern, illustrate her love for Pop Tarts, discuss her new sobriety since going to rehab with Michael Lohan (if you offer her a drink, she'll tell you "hell no to the no") and—wait for it—even struts a thong.
Oh, and did we mention she dances?
Please experience this with us and tell us your thoughts.