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A Balrog. A demon of the ancient world. This foe is beyond any of you. Run! -Gandalf

On that note, we'd like to congratulate Sean Parker and Alexandra Lenas on ditching their original plan of hosting a backyard barbeque, and instead consecrating their love with an equally modest, down-home, $4.5 million Lord Of The Rings-themed spectacular. At first glance, we couldn't tell exactly how the couple spent their money, so we headed to Big Sur to check out the aftermath. After hours of sifting through gooseberry pudding-drenched Arwen wigs, we finally unearthed a copy of the couples' budget!


$4,000,000- Renting out Middle-Earth

$500,000- Custom-fit tuxedos for every Ent

$60,000- Juilliard-trained hardanger fiddlers

$200,000  An all-knowing wink from Ian McKellen

$250,000- Designated Oliphaunt Drivers

$100,000- Flames and Shadows

$500,000- Elves from around the world (passports, temporary work visas, and hourly pay/pumpkin mush)

$300,000- An engraved description of who Sean Parker is

$500,000- Giant mirror displaying scenes from the future, i.e. the birth of their firstborn child, or being fined 2.5 million dollars by mystical Wildlife Officials

$150,000- Great Eagle-petting

$100,000- Flames and Shadows

$400,000- Three rings in the sky for Elven-Kings

$100,000-One ring to rule them all

$300- Napkin rings

$300,000- Gollum reading an excerpt from The Prophet

And of course, plenty of hidden costs cropped up later, like garbage and magical waste removal. In other words, don't check their math.

"But they couldn't figure out what to use for the wedding bands." -@farberlee (Soup Co-E.P.)