Last night's first half of The Bachelorette finale was shocking! But not really.
Spoiler Alert: The titular Bachelorette, Desiree Hartsock, jetted off to Antigua with her final three suitors. When it came time for Brooks Forester to get some one-on-one time, he instead called it quits on the competition and bounced.
"I love my relationship with Desiree and I keep wondering why it is that I'm not at the stage yet to say to Desiree, ‘I love you.'" Brooks confessed in a clip surfaced from previous weeks. "The idea of proposing to her at the end of this makes me really uncomfortable."
OH REALLY, BROOKS? You just now realized, during the ninth season of The Bachelorette—after 17 seasons of The Bachelor—that falling in love ("love") in six weeks on TV, with an expectation that you will ultimately get engaged in the finale, could be uncomfortable. Really? Just now? Just now in the season finale, part one?
That said, looking for your future husband on TV has become a more legit ("legit") avenue true love. And not everything about looking for that future husband on The Bachelorette is unnatural. Just most of it:
Natural: Meeting numerous people at once to see who you connect with (on the show, it's 25 eligible bachelors. In real life, it could be any number of people through speed dating, a singles' mixer or the literally endless supply of Tinder matches.)
Unnatural: Meeting numerous people at once...but they only meet one person. You. You are literally their only option. They don't like you? Oh well. You don't have to change. And there are 24 other dudes vying for you anyways. Buh-bye!
Natural: Casually dating a couple of different guys at once to see who you like best (you can't know everything about someone after a first date, it's OK to test the water with a few different people to see what works and, more likely, what doesn't work).
Unnatural: Casually dating a couple of different guys at once...while they are forced to live together (if you do this to roommates in real life, you will either be called a two-timing Jezebel or ruin their friendship. Or both).
Natural: Talking about your dates and your feelings towards the guy(s) you're dating to your mom, to your friends, to a therapist.
Unnatural: Talking about your dates and your feelings towards the guy(s) you're dating to a TV confessional booth.
Natural: Bringing a girl home to meet your parents when things get serious.
Unnatural: Bringing a girl home to meet your parents
when things get serious if you make it to the Home Visits week. Also, your parents know that she's dating multiple other dudes and you might not even be the dude she likes the most.
Natural: Having sex with your significant other.
Unnatural: Having Fantasy Suite Week with your significant others (Brooks, Drew Kenney and Chris Siegfried were all given the opporunity to spend the night with Desiree, no cameras allowed. That means they're bangin', right? Right?)
Natural: Being proposed to with a ring your husband-to-be didn't pay for (because he inherited from his grandmother, he inherited it from his mother, he stole it).
Unnatural: Being proposed to with a camera-ready ring your husband-to-be didn't pay for (because a TV network budgeted it out and bought it for him).
Natural: Being proposed to after dating for only six weeks (when you know, you know!)
Unnatural: Being proposed to after dating for only six weeks in an elaborate ceremony, a ceremony in which you have two bros that you've been dating for the same amount of time and you get to pick which one of them is allowed to propose to you (thus eliminating any romantic sense of surprise, because, while the bro you pick has the option of not proposing, he's going to propose. Because c'mon. This is The Bachelorette. He's going to propose.)
Natural: Feeling pressure about planning a wedding because your family, friends, fiancé, etc. are excited.
Unnatural: Feeling pressure about planning a wedding because ABC is excited to air another wedding special. They're great for ratings!
Natural: Finding love.
Unnatural: Competing for love.