If you only have access to the Internet on weekdays and don't receive text messages or tweets or smoke signals, then let us kick off your Monday with exciting news: Kim Kardashian had a baby girl over the weekend and the little one looks just like mom!
And Baby Kimye is lucky enough to have a ton of specially made lullabies ready for her: Kanye West songs remixed by Rockabye Baby! So unlike you and I, who had to listen to "Hush Little Baby" sung by our tone-deaf mother, Kanye's daughter will get Grammy award-worthy bedtime performances.
And Kanye's lullabies are also the perfect opportunity for mommy and daddy to teach the newborn baby some important life lessons. Like...
"Stronger" Life Lesson: What doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger. Also, from:
"This is Louis Vuitton Don night / So we gonna do everything that Kan like"
She can learn that it's important to be passionate abour your interests and hobbies (Louis Vuitton Don is a nickname Kanye gave himself based on his love for all things Louis Vuitton) and to have confidence in yourself (don't follow the crowd! You do you).
"Through the Wire" Life Lesson: Get right back on that horse. Kanye literally recorded this song through the wire, with his jaw wired shut after being injured in a near-fatal car accident. (See also: What doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger, part 2.)
"Good Morning" Life Lesson: Every new day is a blessing! Also, from:
"From the moments of pain / Look how far we done came / Haters saying ya changed / Now ya doing ya thing"
She can learn that not everyone will be happy for you when you achieve success. But that shouldn't affect you because that's their issue. You ain't made it if you don't have at least a few haters (#DrinkThatHaterade).
"Heartless" Life Lesson: You accept the love you think you deserve. In case 'Ye's daughter doesn't get a chance to read Perks of Being a Wallflower (though we definitely recommend you add it to your reading list, baby), she can learn similar lessons from this tune. In relationships, some people will act "so Dr. Evil." Don't make excuses for them. Move on. You deserve better, baby.
"Touch the Sky" Life Lesson: Reach for the stars! Also, from:
"Gotta testify, come up in the spot looking extra fly / For the day I die, I'mma touch the sky"
She can learn to dress to impress. The world is your runway, baby! And don't worry about hand-me-downs, because if you score anything from your cousin Penelope or Blue Ivy (that's your "cousin," daughter of Uncle Jay-Z and Aunt Beyoncé), you're still more stylish than all the other babies in the game.
"Monster" It's not a lullaby, it's just an awesome song. Life Lesson: Halloween is really fun! You'll see when you're old enough to trick or treat. Or maybe the life lesson is just that daddy is dope? Or Auntie Nicki Minaj is dope? There it is: Nicki delivers the best verse on the song. Women can do anything men can do...and sometimes better. So spread your wings, baby Kimye!