We should ("should") start by saying we don't condone violence. Ever. For any reason. Use your words, not your fists, etc. But if you're going to fight, give the fans a fight!
The facts: During the seventh-inning of last night's L.A. Dodger and Arizona Diamondbacks game, the two teams partook in a hearty brawl that's set the sporting world ablaze. Why? We're not quite sure.
Diamondbacks pitcher Ian Kennedy first hit Dodger fan favorite Yasel Puig in the nose with a 92-mph pitch in the sixth inning, angering his teammates. ("Nobody puts baby Yasel in the corner," one player may have said).
In the next inning, Kennedy (intentionally, accidentally—whose side are you on anyway?) hit Zack Greinke, the Dodgers pitcher, with his pitch. Strike two and you're out—which may seem counter intuitive during a baseball game where three strikes usually mean you're out.
"You hit our guy, we hit yours, that's the way it should be," Dodgers catcher Tim Federowicz later claimed, breaking the No. 1 rule of Dodgers training camp (Don't talk about Dodgers training camp.)
Because if you don't have anything nice to say, you shouldn't say it at all, we'll start with something nice: There was player-on-coach action, manager-on-manager action and everyone-on-everyone action. That's dedication. Usually you don't get to beat down the opposing coach, so that's a plus.
But for all the "action" on field, it was mostly just a lot of yelling and a lot of chest bumping (too much chest bumping, in our opinion). Also, there were too many people heaped up on the field to even decipher who was chest bumping whom.
If they're going to raise hell and make an already long baseball game even longer (baseball games should be like, three innings. But that's an argument for another day), either fight hockey style, one on one and lots of missing teeth, or gladiator style and rip each other's arms off and feed the dead to a lion.
"Kennedy [the Arizona pitcher] ran to the bench soon after that and we're not happy about it," Dodgers second baseman Skip Schumaker roared. "That's for sure." (Skip Shumaker would have ripped his arms off and fed them to a lion, probably.)
For the record, three Dodgers and three Diamonbacks were ejected, so the game ended at a 3 - 3 tie. If you're scoring the more traditional (read: boring) way—with runs—the Dodgers won 5 - 3.
"It's just baseball, really," Dodgers manager Don Mattingly waxed poetically. Meaning, it's just all going to be boring, really. "Brawls" included. Watch the full fight on MLB.com.