Erin Brockovich-Ellis was arrested for an alleged DUI over the weekend while operating a boat. Yesterday, Erin apologized. What didn't happen was the announcement of an Erin Brockovich sequel. Think Erin Brockovich meets Speed 2. This is a gross oversight by Hollywood, so we've decided to get the ball rolling and come up with the plot for the sequel ourselves:
Julia Roberts won an Oscar for the first film, so we have a feeling that it'll be easy to convince her to return for another (it's a better career move than Mirror Mirror 2, at least). Julia will also be blonder—Erin went platinum, y'all!—and will have an upgraded wardrobe this time around. All good things.
The sequel follows Erin Brockovich-Ellis (the Ellis part from third husband Eric L. Ellis. FYI, Erin and Aaron Eckhart's George character split after the events of the movie. True love is dead.)
The Sequel: Erin has worked on several successful cases over the years and is now a consultant for a New York law firm. Yep, she's a city gal and a big name in the legal world!
But she's forced to return to her roots when a Louisiana sinkhole is connected to the underground waste storage of a chemical company (sinkholes are super timely right now). She must hit the streets to meet the people affected by the hole, connects with them and fights for justice.
Also, there's a subplot about her (third) husband filing for divorce, which finds her a single woman once again. So basically it's the same as the first movie except she gets a BUI ("They're called boats, Ed.")
This got us thinking about some more actors and actresses who should revist their real-life characters for a much-needed sequel:
Amy Adams as Julie Powell in Julie & Julia
The Sequel: Remember how, despite their ups and downs, Julie (played by Adams) and her husband Eric (played by Chris Messina) were happily together at the end of the film? Well, she cheated on him.
Julie starts having an affair with an old boyfriend (described as "an insane, irresistible love affair" in the summary for her second book, Cleaving), which prompts her to skip town and become obsessed with...butchery?
Julie then sets out on an Eat, Pray, Love-esque voyage around the world (South America! Africa! Europe!) to learn lessons about meat and marriage. So actually it's more like Cheat, Cleave, Who Cares Because Meryl Streep Wouldn't Be in This So It'd Just Be Another Two Hours of the Whiny Woman From the First Movie.
The Sequel: HBO has actually already greenlighted a Game Change sequel based on the book Double Down, about the 2012 election (can't wait to see who gets cast as Michele "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann) but we want another installment of Julianne Moore as Sarah Palin story!
The sequel follows Sarah, back in Alaska after the 2008 election, as her approval rating plumments and she eventually resigns as governor of Alaska. So she takes off for the bright lights of Hollywood! Where she juggles being a mama grizzly, deciding if she wants to run for president, her reality show and a Fox News position.
Her battle with the "lamestream media" is paralleled in the film with daughter Bristol Palin battle on Dancing With the Stars.
Matt Damon as Scott Thorson in Behind the Candelabra
The Sequel: Another HBO film, another success deserving of a sequel. That's what happens when tons more juicy stuff happens after the movie wraps! So, while a film could certainly be made about Thorson's time in witness protection or his supposed affair with Michael Jackson (they bonded over plastic surgery!), his post-Candelabra life might make for the most unexpected film.
Like when the owner of the Bunny Ranch brothel and a handful of his girls saw the film and decided to bust Thorson out of prison (in real life, they just paid his bond, but we can take some creative licenses for the film, right?). Only time will tell what the final act of that film would be, but have your wig at the ready, Matt Damon.
And Hollywood? You're welcome.